The Archives: Inner Machinations

An episode tailored around the mystery that is John. In this episode, co-host John Rowe opens the door to the inner workings of his mind and invites listeners into a candid conversation about how he processes the world around him. Rather than staying on the surface, John walks the panel through the layers of his thought process—how he analyzes situations, navigates pressure, and manages the constant dialogue happening inside his head.

The discussion explores the mental frameworks that shape his decisions, the habits that keep him grounded, and the moments when his mind becomes both his greatest tool and his toughest challenge. With honesty and a bit of humor, John reflects on the balance between self-awareness, overthinking, resilience, and the ongoing effort to maintain a healthy mental state.

What unfolds is a raw, thoughtful look at the complexity of the human mind—how experiences, stress, and personal growth shape the way we think and react. Listeners get an inside look at the mechanisms that drive John forward, while also being reminded that everyone is navigating their own internal battles and breakthroughs.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:02

What's that? How you're gonna start off the podcast, John? Just blowing smoke into the camera. Yeah, you look like you're chillin'. Welcome, everybody. Back to another week of John Sitting on His Ass, also known as the Magdum Podcast.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

I think that's a good title. We should switch it. We'll chop up the Magdum podcast. We'll leave it to John sitting on his ass.

SPEAKER_03 0:34

That's that's what you want to do with your with your life is chop it up to John sitting on his ass. That's the new name of the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

I think it I think it's a good fit. Right?

SPEAKER_03 0:49

I mean that's up it's up to you. Up to you, John. You do uh you do as you please. Welcome back, everybody. Hopefully everybody's had a good week. John?

SPEAKER_00 1:03

I had a fantastic week, if that's what you were gonna ask me. Did you? I did. It doesn't sound like Because I sat up on my ass until Saturday, yesterday, and if you're hearing this two days ago, I sat here and I did nothing until my kid's party.

SPEAKER_03 1:24

How old did he turn?

SPEAKER_00 1:26

He turned six years old.

SPEAKER_03 1:29

And how did the party go, John?

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Well, uh the party started at 12, nobody got there till one. Fashionably late? Yeah, really, really bummed the kid out. Um didn't think anyone was gonna be there.

SPEAKER_03 1:46

Rightfully so. He's a kid, he doesn't understand about adults being late.

SPEAKER_00 1:51

Um then people started showing up. Now that's when things just hit this fan. It was over, it was done. I, myself, John, have not socialized in an environment in a while. I haven't been put into a position where I have to keep conversation. I stayed inside for about a half an hour running through my head. Different scenarios.

SPEAKER_03 2:26

What are you plotting their fucking deaths? God damn. It took you fucking 30 minutes to figure out, hey, how's your day?

SPEAKER_00 2:41

God damn, John. Dude, it's so bad because it's true. Okay, proceed. Alright, so I I get done with my inner thoughts and how to communicate with people again. Boonga boonga and okay, man. Uh, I get out there. Now, my wife's in the corner of this table, surrounded by the families, like the people that we've never met before. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 3:11

Is your wife a social butterfly?

SPEAKER_00 3:13

Uh, due to her new job, yes.

unknown 3:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

Never used to be. But now she's more comfortable with it. So, like, you know, I crowned her that day as queen of communication. I like to bullshit. I like to like, if I'm talking to you and I don't know you, I'm gonna keep a conversation by bullshitting you. Yeah, I've been to fucking Mexico. Yeah, I've I've done this. I, you know, I lied right to your face. I don't know you, I'll probably never meet you again. But we're gonna talk for a good 20 minutes about nothing.

SPEAKER_03 3:43

This was your opportunity to make real life friends. Oh no, no, let me let me we're getting there, okay?

SPEAKER_00 3:49

We're getting there. So let me let me continue where I was. Okay, my wife's in the corner of this table. I proceed to walk out with a slice of pizza and a drink. Okay, I'm doing my cool dad walk. Got my nice shirt on. Okay. I got I got it's it's a rainbow party, right? Because Rainbow Friends, I don't know if anybody's ever heard of that. It's a horror game. My son wanted a Rainbow Friends theme, so we went and did that. Um, it's pretty cool. There's like it's a bunch of colorful characters, whatever. Anyway, so I'm dressed up in colors, okay. Now, in my mind, I thought everybody coming was thinking it was a coming out party. Okay. I'll be honest, be very open with that. The invitations look like, hey, my son's gay. Please come to our party, right? That's what it looked like. So I in my head, I was like, damn it, like I hope no one asked, like, hey, is your son gay? Like, this is cool that you're doing it for him, right? It's just it was it's what was going through my head. Just let me get it out there, and then you can judge me, okay? The world can judge me. Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against gay people. It is Pride Month. Yeah, happy Pride Month, by the way. Um, so my my wife's sitting there in the corner. I come out with a sliced pizza and a soda. Okay, I'm walking. There is nowhere for me to sit. The only place for me to sit is on the farthest table towards the street next to one of the kids' dad, and it's just him and me. This is where shit hits the fan. I thought I was gonna be in a conversation with a group of people. It's easy to bullshit in a group. You don't have to be the oldest one talking. You just nod and you agree with what everyone else is saying. I sit down, I was like, is that your kid? First thing out of my mouth. First thing out of my mouth.

SPEAKER_03 5:45

He said it with that tone.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

Yeah, I was like, hey, is that your kid? He goes, Yeah. I was like, oh, that's a cool kid. You know, my son talks about him a lot. It goes quiet for about five, ten minutes. And I'm just staring at this party. And I'm panicking, like my legs are shaking, I'm sweating. I I have I have my drink, right? I'll take a drink, put it down, look off into the distance, go back for my drink, drink it, put it down. Like it was really uncomfortable. I get enough nerves to ask again, or not again, but to ask another question. So, what do you do in your spare time? It's just a normal question, right? That's what you know.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

Sounds like I'm on a date with this man.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

I didn't know what to do. I'm panicking. So much sweat. So what do you do for a living?

SPEAKER_01 6:42

So much sweat, dude.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

Uh he goes, he goes, Well, I uh I'm a parent of eight kids. Yeah. I I guess I don't I don't know for sure, but uh God, I know I fucking I am bowing down to that baby factory.

SPEAKER_03 7:03

Holy fucking shit. Well, hold on, hold on. The kid at the factory uh the factory.

SPEAKER_01 7:08

The kid at the party factory? What is this? Char fucking Charlie and the chocolate factory, fucking Willy Wonka, the fucking oopaloompa's gonna start fucking running out.

SPEAKER_00 7:22

The one kid that was there was adopted. So I don't know if his balls are very fertile or they're all adopted. I didn't ask, I didn't want to ask that question. I felt wrong to ask that question.

SPEAKER_03 7:35

Um pulling the uh was it George Clooney and the fuck was he married to? Angelina Jolie. Or is that Brad Pitt? Brad Pitt and I think Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were married too. I don't know. Proceed.

SPEAKER_00 7:54

Um where was I? Yeah, so uh I didn't ask that question, felt very wrong. I don't think that's a normal question you would ask somebody. Like, hey, what's wrong with your balls? Can you not have kids? You know? Um so so we talk about that, and I go, yeah, I'm a single dad or single dad. I'm a I'm an only dad to one, right? And I'm an only dad to one. You know what I'm trying to say. I'm pan dude, I'm fucking sweating just talking about this. I don't think you understand. I'm panicking just telling you the story.

SPEAKER_03 8:28

I'm a father to only one.

SPEAKER_00 8:30

That's that's what was trying to come out of my mouth.

SPEAKER_03 8:33

No, you should have just fucking said, you know, hey, I only have Griff. You know, we only have one child, not I'm a fucking father of one. Like, what? Okay, anyways.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

So so we get down that awkward conversation, and now I'm the youngest. I'm only 28. Everybody here was like 40 and up, and I'm this first time being a dad. They they uh another family brought a kid that was just graduating high school, so like they've done all this before. And uh so so yeah. So the we're talking, and I get done with my question. He asked me, Have I traveled? I said, and I quote, I do not leave the house. Oh no, came right out of my fucking mouth, did not think about it, just blurted it, and I looked him dead in the eye for waiting for a response to just I should be laughing, but god damn. My heart sank as soon as I said it, and he's like, What do you mean? Like, very concerned.

SPEAKER_03 9:51

Because that's how I would have been like, what do you mean, John?

SPEAKER_00 9:57

And then the next sentences were the reason why he didn't talk to me the rest of the party for a good two hours. I told him, word for word, no hesitation, yeah. I was clinically diagnosed with depression these past couple years, extreme anxiety, and agoraphobia. He goes, What's agoraphobia? The fear of leaving the house. He thought it was bad shit crazy. I have never met this man. I told him my whole fucking life story. I told him how fucked up in the head I am, and he went, mm-hmm. Okay. Not a single fucking word the rest of the party to each other. And we just sat next to each other. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 10:48

So please tell me again that was your week.

SPEAKER_00 10:54

Uh-huh. It was up, it was great until that party. It was fantastic.

SPEAKER_03 11:04

Anything else happened? It's like that's just the end of the party. Highlight.

SPEAKER_00 11:09

That's the holy shit, thank God I don't go outside. You know, and I and I thought about it, right? Because I told you guys I applied for a children's hospital, right? I told you guys. I'm so fucking scared. If I'm telling grown adults when did you apply? Did I say it last podcast or not? I don't think so. I said it in general on Discord. I did say that that I applied for a children's hospital.

SPEAKER_03 11:32

I'll look that up after the podcast. I don't remember that coming through.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

I'll look while I talk. Anyway, so I I did apply for a children's hospital. Now I'm scared. I told a grown adult my fucking problems. What am I gonna tell a child that doesn't care? Am I just gonna vent to a child? What are you gonna vent to the children for?

SPEAKER_01 11:54

That has nothing to do with your job title. But that's the thing, right? Like, I didn't have to tell the guy what was wrong with me. Well, I couldn't. But why would you tell a child like that?

SPEAKER_03 12:06

Like why would you ask me what do I do? You work at the children's hospital, that's what you tell them.

SPEAKER_00 12:13

Right, but like what if it's like someone I see every day? Because what I applied to. I'm a dad. I'm I basically cook the food and I would deliver it, right? That's that's the role.

SPEAKER_03 12:29

Um okay. I work here at the hospital. I'm a dad at home. That's what I do with my life. You don't have to go further into fucking telling these children what you do.

SPEAKER_00 12:46

I don't know. I just is that a good conversation starter to let people know how clinically insane I am? No, John. I feel I can get some brownie points with people.

SPEAKER_03 13:03

I mean, the honesty's there. I'm pretty sure people appreciate honesty, but like, fuck, dude. I'm clinically depressed. How are you? Like, that's just not something to fucking go on about. Especially for someone first time. I mean, imagine this. You're on a date, right? I mean, you're married, but imagine you're on a fucking date. You know, because it's two strangers coming together, right? In a sense, when you're on a date. Two strangers. You know, you've you've gotten to know each other a little bit, you know, vice versa. Whatever. Yeah, you're just like, oh, so she's like, so what do you do? I'm clinically depressed. I have extreme anxiety. Extreme anxiety. How do you think that date's gonna go the rest of the time? I guarantee you, I would be willing to put money on this. That that person sitting across the table from you automatically has something come up where they have to leave the fucking date. 110 fucking percent. No, I mean, maybe we need to get a female fucking perspective on this, but but I feel like that would be like the same thing with an STD.

SPEAKER_00 14:28

Right? Like you would want somebody to know that before they get too committed.

SPEAKER_03 14:33

I mean, cool, right? Honesty is fucking great, right? But not the first time fucking meeting one another. Like, okay, cool. Clinically depressed, John, clinically depressed. I'm fucking batshit crazy. Nice to meet you. No, I'm not gonna fucking if I was on a date, which I mean it has happened. I've said it in the podcast before of like fucking problematic shit. At least I think I have. But we're gonna revisit. Blind date. Fucking buddies and his wife fucking left, grabs the hand. I'm just getting over chlamydia and I plan on taking you home tonight. No thanks. One, thank you for the the fucking utmost of honesty, you know, because hey, I'm pretty sure it takes a lot, you know, for to be honest about that, right? But that's something for like when you actually like get to that point, you know, like yeah, we're in the bedroom, like things are leading up to that. By the way, let's fucking halt the brakes. I just got over chlamydia. Wow, thank you for telling me that. I really appreciate your honesty. No, thank you. It's not just something, it's not your fucking whole, oh, it's just like an STD. No, it's not like a fucking STD, John. Jesus fucking Christ. Anyways, welcome back to another week, people. I love that we open this podcast with fucking hi, I'm John Clinically depressed, like you did at this fucking party. Other than your fucking weird interactions with other adults and parents, what have you done this week, John?

SPEAKER_00 16:40

Uh well, I wouldn't count it this week. Maybe it was last week I applied for the children's hospital if I didn't say it on the last week's podcast. Um I don't think you did. I don't now that I say it out loud, it doesn't ring a bell. I know I said it somewhere. Um maybe to your wife. I don't know. I'm clinically insane. Could have been the wall for all I know. Um uh so yeah, I applied for a children's hospital to work in the food department there. Um I'm not gonna say where because it's a pretty big hospital. Everybody knows it. Uh at least St. Jude. You know. Um, so so basically what I'd be doing is cooking food and either delivering it or uh the the job description was very strange. It was requiring me to be able to lift patients out of the bed with my job title. So I mean I guess it would be like in emergency situations or something, maybe I'd have to do something like that. But the main focus is cooking and delivering is the the role. Which it's 21 an hour, which isn't bad. Um, I'm hoping that I land it because it would really jumpstart, you know, my life together again. Can't wait to tell my boss about how fucked up I am in the head, but you know, we just gotta get that out in the open. Just let them know right away. In the interview, just hey, I'm John, I'm clinically depressed, I have extreme anxiety. No, I didn't want to be here, but I chose to be here because I'm trying to be a bigger person.

SPEAKER_03 18:21

Absolutely fucking not. That is not how you should open and lead a fucking interview.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

Also, that's that's what I've got going on with me lately, um, other than the party that you've already heard. Uh that's that's been the week. And making more purchases on your credit card? We don't we don't need to talk about dude. How can you deny me? Like, uh Heaven was right. I have FOMO, a hundred percent. Uh I didn't know what that meant until I Googled it, and I do have the fear of missing out. I didn't want to be without it because I can't uh I don't know. I don't know. Like, I think I'm the only one that plays Street Fighter in the community, but I know I'm not the only one that plays Diablo, and Diablo was what I was looking most forward to. That game is fucking the shit. I have every one of them. Like I've been playing that since I was little. Like that was that's one of the games where I was not gonna not get it. Not gonna not whatever. Double negative? Is that what that is? I don't know. Hi, I'm John. I have clinical depression. Um, yeah, so I'm looking forward to the game. We get to play Diablo tomorrow. Uh I haven't seen anything about the game other than the release date, so it's gonna be all new to me. It's gonna be fun. I've been playing Street Fighter too, getting my ass kicked. That's been fun. Oh, we saw. Yeah, yeah. I suck. It's a different game. Fucking silver. Yeah, very different.

SPEAKER_03 20:02

Oh, to be the number one fucking Street Fighter streamer fucking placed in silver.

SPEAKER_00 20:07

I got a big old corkscrew ladder to climb to get all the way up there, but I will. I'll do it.

SPEAKER_02 20:17

Well then.

SPEAKER_00 20:18

What'd you do?

SPEAKER_03 20:20

What this worked, John. I fucking worked. And I'm supposed to play baseball today because we record this on Sunday, like we have the last two weeks. Um got some more gun parts and stuff like that. Kitting out the guns. Got a nice little PEC-15 device for my rifle. And then I bought what did I buy? Well, I bought front uh rear sights for my 300 blackout on the wall. And then another light for it. And then mounted an optic on my uh my Glock that I inherited from my dad. So other than that, working guns, baby. Working guns. Merica. It's not even Murca, it's just fucking like if I'm not working, I'm literally s fucking at home. I try to fucking get out every now and again, but it's so fucking hard. Yeah, same, dude. No, John, it's fucking completely fucking different from you and I. Alright, you know, I just don't know anyone out here. I mean, there's a couple new films that are coming out. Might go see those here soon, you know?

SPEAKER_00 21:41

You can see the new Transformer?

SPEAKER_03 21:43

Maybe.

SPEAKER_00 21:44

Depends on it looks neat.

SPEAKER_03 21:46

Depends on, you know, how it comes out. I think it's like a pro prequel to like all the ones before, but you know, in the trailer it looks like Bumblebee stabbed again. I'm like, how many times are you gonna stab Bumblebee? Until he finally fucking dies, you know, but it's what it is. You know, Michael Bay is fucking still making shit ton of money off these movies, so yeah. Other than that, what else is coming out? I think the fucking Fast and Furious just came out. I'm not watching that shit. Um I think in September the Equalizer 3 comes out with Denzel. Definitely gonna go see that. But other than that, I don't know about really. Usually I just kind of like go watch movie trailers, and then if I think it's good, I'll go watch it.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

Oh, are you gonna see the new Indiana Jones? The last one. I might just because it's the last one.

SPEAKER_03 22:49

Maybe. Maybe. I was never really big. I mean, I've watched Indiana Jones, but I've never been big on the Indiana Jones series. So no telling. Maybe we'll go see it.

SPEAKER_00 23:06

But John. Oh fuck, I don't I still don't know what we're talking about.

SPEAKER_03 23:14

What have you told the world today multiple times?

SPEAKER_00 23:21

Clinical depression?

SPEAKER_03 23:24

And what's June other than Pride Month?

SPEAKER_00 23:28

Mental health awareness?

SPEAKER_03 23:30

It is. He goes and grabs something.

SPEAKER_00 23:41

Mental health awareness?

SPEAKER_03 23:42

Yeah. June, although it is Pride Month, it is also mental health awareness month. What have you, Sean, been doing this here to improve your overall mental health?

SPEAKER_00 24:06

Now, do I want to make a joke, a very dark humorous joke, or do I not want to?

SPEAKER_03 24:11

Um you can make your joke and then proceed into okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:17

Well, I've been locking up the pills and putting the gun safe uh on code and changing up the code so I don't remember it. Um and then yeah, what we'll have a gun safe? No, I don't, but yeah, okay. Speaking of which, when I needed help and I reached out, right? I reached out to the suicide prevention number. We'll put that on the screen somewhere. Um I just like it seemed like we do for the YouTube people.

SPEAKER_03 24:46

We'll have the number in the descriptions.

SPEAKER_00 24:50

Uh when I reached out, um this just has to do with it, but I I said like I need help, like I'm having suicidal thoughts. Uh did you text the number? I did. Um I I texted them, and the first question out of their mouth was, Do you have a gun? And I said, No. And then they repeat, they didn't repeat, but they also said, Did you block your gun? I said, No, I do not have a gun. They said, Do you have a gun around you? I said, No, I do not own a firearm. So it was like me waiting 10 minutes in this conversation because they didn't respond right away. Like it was like two, three minutes of me just staring at the fucking phone, like, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. You know, and it and it kept getting worse and worse, but they kept asking me the same question. And then they stopped texting me. I don't know. I I don't know if that's normal. I don't know if that's I don't know, but they stopped.

SPEAKER_03 25:56

Are you sure you were talking to a real person, John? Like or fucking like usually in that sense you should call somebody, not text. Do they answer? It's the suicide fucking hotline, John. Of course they answer the fucking phones.

SPEAKER_00 26:17

It's not like an automated service.

SPEAKER_03 26:20

Oh, if you feel like this, press two. Yeah, John. Fucking that's totally how it fucking works.

SPEAKER_00 26:29

Well, I'm sure they've got some type of thing going on, right? Like, there's different kinds of thoughts.

SPEAKER_03 26:40

I'm pretty sure when people call the suicide prevention hotline, they are usually trying to prevent what, John. Suicide. So what other fucking thoughts would you be calling for?

SPEAKER_00 27:04

So you're telling me that there's just some guy or woman sitting. Crisis counselors.

SPEAKER_03 27:11

This is why we need Kevin. Yes. I'm pretty sure. There's no like automated, like, hey, if you're feeling this way, or you're I'm pretty sure they have different sections to like seek therapy and seek help, but I think the main purpose of the suicide prevention hotline. Suicide. I I'm trying to get through you, not the viewers and listeners. I'm trying to get through to you. The suicide prevention hotline. Usually people call that line to prevent suicide, John.

SPEAKER_00 27:56

So you're saying it's more effective to call than to text?

SPEAKER_03 28:02

110 fucking percent. Okay. Now, why the fuck did I text? Because you didn't want to talk to a real person. Let's be real. You did not want to talk to a real person. You John, and this is this is just from knowing you over these years. You seek validation. Right. You want to go to the person who will give you the answer that you want to hear rather than the answer that you need to hear. We're gonna take this week, for instance, of the FOMO with your fucking credit card shit. What was told you multiple times? Don't do it. Don't do it. Where did you go? You went to the one person who would probably give you the fucking okay, which was your fucking wife. And that was the answer that you were looking for.

SPEAKER_00 29:13

Yeah, the second she said yeah, that's fine. I didn't even hesitate.

SPEAKER_03 29:19

I rest my case.

SPEAKER_00 29:23

See, my wife is the problem. Now do it.

SPEAKER_03 29:33

And I know she listens to the podcast, so I'm gonna try to I'm gonna try to say this in the nicest way possible. Your life is not the issue. Solely. You both are instigators to your own problems that you have faced. True. I agree. That's how I see it. Because, in the sense of your situation, needlessly spending money that let's say more say that you may not have, or vice versa, you know, whatever the case might be in that sense, you both have to take a step back and look at budgeting, financing, you know, like you're getting close to 30.

SPEAKER_00 30:42

You had to remind me.

SPEAKER_03 30:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:45

I could have gone all day without thinking about that. You're getting closer.

SPEAKER_03 30:50

Pretty soon you'll be 30. At 30, even 35. Do you, John, and you know, the significant other, the wife, do you guys really want to still be living in your parents' house out of a room? No, God no. Then quit buying fucking pops and fucking useless video games.

SPEAKER_00 31:19

I'm holding on to them for the long run.

SPEAKER_03 31:22

Yeah, the long run. That's and that's where your problem is, John. That's a part of your problem. Regardless of the fact you you're gonna have to it it and it's a mental thing. You guys feel that you need it. You want it, you need it. There's a big difference between needing and wanting. I want to go purchase a new TV. I want to go purchase, you know, some more uppers and lowers. I want to go purchase a new phone. Wants. I do not need them. I want them, but I do not need them. On occasion. And I wish I could, I I would bring it up in screen, but I'll bring it up on the phone for the YouTube people. While I'm at work, you know, just in my free time, I'll sit here and go into this app. And it's fucking Amazon. And I just fucking scroll and scroll and I look up things, right? You want to know this crazy thing that Amazon has a feature of, John, other than your fucking cart. Yeah, they have a price limit. Not even a price limit. They have lists, you know?

SPEAKER_00 33:03

Yeah, I make lists.

SPEAKER_03 33:05

Lists of things that you want, you know? And then you look at them and it's like, wow. Wow. You know, yeah, I want that. Yeah, that's cool. I would want that too. That's also cool. But I don't buy any of these things. I'm window shopping because I don't need them necessarily. It's not a tease. Yeah, it's not. I want it, but I don't need it, is the fucking differences I'm trying to get across to you right now. I want this pop. Do you need the fucking pop? No.

SPEAKER_00 33:48

You'd be proud of me. I haven't bought a pop in two weeks.

SPEAKER_03 33:51

Because we've been endlessly talking shit to you about it.

SPEAKER_00 33:56

Got a nice collection going. That's okay. One day I'll just say goodbye and then I'll make like a grand. It'll be fine.

SPEAKER_03 34:02

That's what you want to tell yourself. You're in your mental state. Okay, since we're talking about mental health awareness month, this is a part of your mental health. You are trying to justify your actions. Oh, like make a thousand dollars at some fucking day. That's not a guarantee.

SPEAKER_00 34:24

No, but it's uh it's a dream.

SPEAKER_03 34:26

No, it's a wishful fucking thinking that you're going through. And you know, it's not how it works out sometimes, John. It has to. It no, it's not gonna fucking work that way. I'm gonna put you on the fucking show hoarders here fucking soon and watch you fucking cry endlessly as they try to throw away your pops. Dude, I would freak out. Yeah. Just like the people on the show. But what steps have you taken since our very inaugural inaugural whatever the fucking word is? You know what the fuck I'm going for. Our first episode was about mental health. And now we're all the way up to episode what, 24 that we're recording now. What have you done since you know the start of our podcast up until now to help your mental state and your mental awareness? It's a full year.

unknown 35:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:41

It's been a long time. Mm-hmm.

unknown 35:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:44

That's 24 main episodes. That doesn't include the bonus shit that we've done off to the side.

SPEAKER_00 35:51

Mm-hmm. Just really throwing me out there, huh?

SPEAKER_01 35:57

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 35:58

Okay. It's better to talk about. It's better to talk about. And Zach Aren't here. I'm getting abused.

SPEAKER_03 36:06

You're not being fucking abused. We're talking about your feelings here. It's more than your fucking therapist did.

SPEAKER_00 36:17

You're welcome. Yeah, that's true. Um, what have I done? Wow. Deep question. Um, well, since the beginning, I didn't do anything for a while. I talked about it, but didn't act it on it. Didn't act it on it. I didn't act on it. Um, I said I was gonna do this, I said I was gonna do that, and I never did. I didn't until the maybe the first month of this year. I started not I I don't want to say I was working out, I don't want to say that, because it was like occasionally I'll do a few push-ups, maybe like five minutes of jumping. Like it was very minuscule working out, but I exercised, quote unquote. That helped. Like when I would get into like a place of I didn't think I was gonna come back out of, I would distract myself by pushing myself to where I was like too physically exhausted to think. Like, you know, now it just might be because I'm fat, but when I work out, I get this I get this like really bad heart palpitations, and it like rocks my whole body, like I can feel my thumps, right? When I get to that point, I panic and I get scared, but that calms me down. That also is like, wow, you're thinking about something else that's actually happening instead of what's going on in your brain. So it like triggers a release of all the negative. Also, uh meditate. That's something that I have recently started doing, which highly recommend. It feels weird. You go into like another dimension.

SPEAKER_03 37:57

Are you sure you're not doing shrews while you're doing this?

SPEAKER_00 38:01

Just striping uh no, it's been I haven't really done anything, and I hate to admit it. I mean, like I said, with applying to a job, and you know, I'm trying. That's the best I can do, right? Is try. Never give up, just try. That's that's all I've done. I I haven't given up. I'm still here. Hi, I'm John, clinically depressed, and I have extreme anxiety. I'm also labeled as agoraphobic, which means I can't go outside, in case you didn't know.

SPEAKER_01 38:31

But love how you're always circling back to dude.

SPEAKER_00 38:39

It scarred me. You don't understand. I tried to make a friend back then.

SPEAKER_01 38:47

Then that's not how you make a friend, John.

SPEAKER_03 38:52

I am Scott Malcolm and I am Debbie. Like, fuck it. That's who you sound like. It's Scott Malcolm from fucking South Park. I am done. I'm clinically depressed. I got Goraphobia. I can't go outside.

SPEAKER_00 39:16

So I wish I could come on here and just fucking talk up with Storm about how much positive I've been doing, but oh well, for those who didn't see, I did stream. I did do that. That was something new that I haven't done in months. It was a good time. I was super uncomfortable. I was camera shy. I was it was like day one all over again. That helped out a little bit and took my mind off a few things.

SPEAKER_01 39:50

What was the question again?

SPEAKER_03 39:55

What ye has John done? Cause you know, our first episode was about mental health. What have you done since then about it? Or like what what what have you done to like improve your mental health?

SPEAKER_00 40:11

Um, I've gone out more. I've done more like what you're supposed to do as an adult, like going to the store, going running to the bank, uh taking your kid out for ice cream. I've gone on a couple dates and I didn't do dates before. That was a that was a weird thing. I've I haven't been alone with my wife in a very long time like that. It was nice. It was nice in the experience that we had. We went to Baskin Robins. Uh we didn't even get fucking ice cream, we got coffee. So that was great stop. Worst coffee I've ever had. Highly recommend not getting it. Um ever get that sponsor. Um what else? What else? What else have I done? Um, I did a lot of parent things, like for school, uh volunteered for a couple things. But other than that, not really much has changed.

SPEAKER_03 41:03

I'm hoping that this upcoming months has before you go on with that, what has all that done to improve your mental state?

SPEAKER_00 41:15

Um honestly, it's shown that it's okay to try. That's like the biggest focus here is to try. Don't just give up. Because if I wouldn't have gone to that, who knows? I probably wouldn't be here. I probably would have spiraled again. Because I was on the brink. When we stopped and went on a hiatus, I was on that brink. I mean, the guys know I I wasn't here. I was I was losing it. I just sat in the darkness and laid in bed and did absolutely nothing. I think it's very important to just do something rather than nothing.

SPEAKER_03 41:58

Did I get the job or you weren't applying for anything?

SPEAKER_02 42:15

I am strong.

SPEAKER_03 42:16

I'm clinically depressed. I could just feel it within your mind brewing. That's what you want to spit out again. Kinda.

SPEAKER_00 42:29

But you said here in the next coming months, you hope. Right. I'm hoping that everything turns around for the better. I hope I land this job. You know, I hate mentioning that I apply for a job because that puts like bad voodoo in the air. But uh, I really hope that if this one falls through, there is another one lined up that you know I want this one more than the other one just because of the pay. Like I'd rather be set and you know providing just as much as my wife is, essentially doubling our income. Um I I would much rather be doing that. Uh, but but if that falls through, I have another one that's almost like a 95% guarantee for less pay. They'll basically hire anybody, they'll hire Joe Schmo off the street just to do something. But that's that's the fallback. So I didn't apply for two. I do have a fallback.

SPEAKER_03 43:18

Um what's the fallback job?

SPEAKER_00 43:21

Dishwashing.

SPEAKER_03 43:23

Another one?

SPEAKER_00 43:25

But this one's a guarantee because it's a theme park. They'll hire anybody. They just want people they can work.

SPEAKER_03 43:32

You're going back to your old place employment.

SPEAKER_00 43:36

Yep. Yes, I am.

SPEAKER_03 43:43

And for anyone who doesn't know of John's former employee, he was hired by the mouse himself.

SPEAKER_00 43:54

Yep. So that's the point. Um and then and then once there, I mean, this is like future goals, obviously, but we save up some money. Uh, we get through the year. Uh, the plan is by this next year or the year after, we want to be out of here. We want to be set in stone and have enough to be able to make that jump with and have a fall through. Like, say, say I go to rent a place, they say, yeah, okay, we get there. Oh, someone wanted more money here. You can't have it no more. Okay, I can afford a hotel for a couple weeks while we look for something else. Like, you know, there's I want there to be options rather than just staying on the street. So that's the that's the future plan. That's what I'm excited for. That's what I'm looking forward to, actually.

SPEAKER_03 44:53

One bedroom, two bedroom.

SPEAKER_00 44:56

Probably two. So that way me and the wife can actually sleep by ourselves. I don't know. It all depends. Cause it depends on where we go, because houses could be cheaper than what apartments are out here. Like, you know, I could rent a house for cheaper than an apartment.

SPEAKER_03 45:15

Well, Anaheim is not gonna be fucking cheap whatsoever. You would have to move to like Victor V the High Desert.

SPEAKER_00 45:25

Yeah, I'd have to live in fucking nowhere.

SPEAKER_03 45:28

Huh? You would fucking see Marcus a lot. He goes he goes back to he goes back to the high desert all the time.

SPEAKER_00 45:37

That's what we should have on the podcast. We should have good old Marcus.

SPEAKER_03 45:41

What, so we can talk about fucking plushies and squishies. Fucking uh love you, Marcus. You probably will never hear this, but yeah. That's good, John. That is good. Moving on up. Crossing my fingers for you, but I want to see you succeed.

SPEAKER_00 46:12

And then I'll buy you out, and then you can be my my uh chaperone.

SPEAKER_03 46:19

Fucking chaperone for what? John, how much do you think you're gonna be able to buy me out for?

SPEAKER_00 46:26

I'll buy you a house one day. And you just have to invite me every once in a while to have a barbecue. It'll be alright.

SPEAKER_03 46:35

You're gonna buy me a house. Yeah, I'll make that up, Dean. I'll I'll buy you a house. I'll do it. On 6 4, 2023, you've heard John say he's gonna buy me a fucking house.

SPEAKER_00 46:48

Yeah, don't buy anyone a house.

SPEAKER_03 46:53

Do you have a house? Do you have, and here's like it's a it's a starter job. Have you ever heard of do you have blue or I think it's blue beacons anywhere near you?

SPEAKER_00 47:11

No, that doesn't sound familiar. I know blue apron, but not no, there's a it's called blue beacon.

SPEAKER_03 47:17

It's a truck wash for diesels. They hire anybody. You get paid like 18 bucks an hour to wash diesel trucks and you get paid weekly. Sounds like a lot of work. It's not you pressure wash fucking dirt. I'm just throwing options out there for you, man.

SPEAKER_00 47:46

I don't I never heard of it, so we might not have it around me. At least not right here. Quick Google check.

SPEAKER_03 47:55

Yeah. Blue Beacon.

SPEAKER_00 48:21

I'm assuming it's up north, if anything.

SPEAKER_03 48:24

There's one in Barstow. Yeah. One in Corning, California, Flag City, Los Angeles, and Wheeler Ridge.

SPEAKER_00 48:36

Yeah, see, that's too far. I'd have to commute like in like half an hour to 45 minutes just to get to work. So that alone would be like a tank of gas every day. Almost, depending on the car. Speaking of which, I don't have one. So it's gonna be like a hard time walking there. Actually, I do have a car, and I do need to fix that up. So that's priority number one with the working.

SPEAKER_03 49:08

Yeah, there's no like real truck washes in Anaheim.

SPEAKER_04 49:11

Oh well.

SPEAKER_00 49:12

We ain't got shit here, dude. We got the big mouse, and that's about it. And the and and the stadium. Both of them. And that's about it.

SPEAKER_03 49:22

We're really called the Honda Center of a fucking stadium. It's more of an arena. Like, but you know, hey, whatever you want to call it. But that's good. I am glad you are taking steps for yourself to be better.

unknown 49:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:46

You know what's the worst part? I can say it all I want, but like I'm scared if the moment absol actually arises to where I can land a job. I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm gonna fuck up. I'm scared that I'm not gonna show up. I'm not gonna answer that phone call. There's gonna be a lot of scenarios that run through my head on a daily basis.

SPEAKER_03 50:09

Well, when that phone number calls you, you just pick up and say yes, when do I start?

SPEAKER_00 50:18

Let's see, that's easier said than done. I got home. That's true.

SPEAKER_03 50:29

Simple.

SPEAKER_00 50:31

Just do it.

SPEAKER_03 50:34

Just like Nike says, just do it. Just do it. But good. Proud of you. Good job. Good for you for making the necessary steps for yourself and your family to be in a better light and to help your clinically fucking as you've said it multiple times.

SPEAKER_00 50:59

Chronical depression, extreme anxiety, or phobia, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 51:04

That's good. I'm proud of you.

SPEAKER_00 51:06

Thanks, man.

SPEAKER_03 51:07

Proud of you.

SPEAKER_00 51:09

I'm doing it. Trying anyway.

SPEAKER_03 51:12

You you are.

SPEAKER_00 51:13

You are. Making an attempt is the best way to put it, really.

SPEAKER_03 51:17

Yeah. Well. Making hobbies for yourself definitely can take your mind off uh things and improve your mental health. So good job. Proud of you.

SPEAKER_00 51:30

That's why I started collecting pops. Jesus fucking Christ.

SPEAKER_03 51:39

Anything else you would like to add to your No, not really.

SPEAKER_00 51:46

I mean, that's all that's really going on. As far as the question goes, that's really what's been helping is just like trying to focus more on the future rather than the now. Like now I know that there's shit going on with me that I need to fix, right? But if I look forward to ways to fix it, it helps my situation. Rather than just dwelling every day. Dwelling, is that the right word? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 52:16

More so, yeah. Good. Good. Mental health awareness. It's not a stigma. Where did you get that?

SPEAKER_00 52:30

I went to a mental health awareness fundraiser. It's like a fair thing where uh it was a bunch of tents, and they were each one of them had a different uh association with mental health. Like there was one that helped veterans, there was uh uh like one that did like food truck services for people who can't work anymore because they're you know they're really fucked up or whatever. There was like a lot, there was cops there that like you can introduce yourself to cops, and you know, they they talk about like what they do in the society and to help out with people who are when they have to in uh uh what's what's the right word? Not in danger.

SPEAKER_01 53:07

Um danger. Yeah, that's the first word you go to.

SPEAKER_00 53:13

Uh when they have to go out to a call of someone that has like a situation going on like that, how they attempt to you know, whatever, whatever, how they act on it. Um, but it was really cool. I took my kid there and my wife there, because like ever since it happened to me, we I became a really big supporter of it. Um it was it I've learned a lot about it that it's not just like a you can get over it kind of thing, because you can't, it's something that you have to work on. You're not gonna wake up one day and be like, oh, I'm not clinically depressed or anxiety driven or agoraphobic. Like you're not it's not gonna work that way. You're gonna have to work towards it. Plain and simple. Um but yeah, we went to there and then I got I got this backpack full of COVID shit, and it had a pin attached to it, so I got really excited because I wanted a pin.

SPEAKER_03 54:04

And when I'm I'm assuming if COVID shit, you went when?

SPEAKER_00 54:09

No, it was actually just recent. It was uh a month before last, maybe. And they gave you a bunch of COVID shit? Yeah, because this it was from the school. Like they the school held it. Um and it was I'm assuming that it's all of their supplies that they've held on for so long. Because the sanitizer expired in a couple months after getting it. So I think it's just shit they've held on since COVID started. But hey man, freeze free, dude. I don't care.

SPEAKER_03 54:45

Spoken like a true American. Well, well, I'm glad I'm glad you were uh at least taking some necessary steps that you need to to overall improve your mental health. So that's good.

SPEAKER_00 55:08

You know, side note, I uh I asked the cop if I applied to be a cop, do I have to tell them that I'm clinically depressed? I I legitimately asked, right? Uh apparently it's against the law to lie about something like that. Yeah. I didn't I wasn't aware of that. Like, this is me being serious. I was not aware. Like, if I went into a job and I was like, if they're like, do you have any mental illnesses or something? And I said no, apparently I can get in trouble. I did not, I did not know. So it's kind of a big deal. I'm kind of a big deal, you know, because on paper, I'm clinically depressed and severe anxiety driven.

SPEAKER_03 55:46

I think in the section where it says if you have any disabilities, that's where you put down in that section.

SPEAKER_00 55:53

Is it just would it be considered a disability?

SPEAKER_03 55:56

Mental mental health can be a disability. It's an invisible invisible disability. For those of you those people who don't know.

SPEAKER_00 56:11

You also cannot own a gun.

SPEAKER_03 56:13

You cannot. If you are not mentally stable, you were not allowed to own firearms.

SPEAKER_00 56:23

I think actually I have to get cleared now. Now that on paper I have to do.

SPEAKER_03 56:29

It's like a 5150. Yeah. You have to get cleared by a psyche valve in order to be able to own weapons. If you chose to own weapons, but you live in California, so Yeah. That ain't happening. Unless it's on the registry. That's good. Good job. How you doing? How am I doing? Yeah. I'm doing fine. Listen to all your fucking clinically depressed stories. What what what what do you mean by exactly of how I'm doing? Like, how's your health?

SPEAKER_00 57:15

How's your mental health going? That could just be a front though. You know? I can smile all day too, and you would never know.

SPEAKER_03 57:29

You're right. People can't put on a front. No. Since the first episode. Um I mean shit. A lot's happened since the first episode. Because we started in 2022. Yeah. Uh continuing my hobbies. Continuing, you know, work, you know, self-accomplishment, not putting myself in those situations where I'm gonna put myself in the dark hole or the dark place. Uh a lot's moved on since uh my dad's passing. I mean, obviously that happened well prior to the podcast ever making its inaugural. There I go with that fucking word again. Um just president already, dude. No, the induction of uh the induction of the podcast, but no, just uh yeah, continuing with your hobbies, continuing, you know, openly talking about feelings and such, you know, right? I used to be a very closed-off individual, but they're just talking about it. I have my good days, I have my bad days. It's never gonna be perfect, you know. People who think that, you know, just all of a sudden one day you're gonna it's gonna be perfect, you know. It's it's not gonna be that way. You gotta work every single day. You know, some days are harder than others, like I had a couple days this week where you know I was down on it, and you know, some stuff reminded me about both my grandfather and my my dad. But I got through it. Because I know how to take the necessary steps to not be in that dark headspace. But definitely, like we have mentioned many times on this podcast, if you need help, reach out to somebody. That's the best advice I can give to anybody. Re whether it's a therapist, if you need to go to therapy, if you need to do self-therapy, by whether it's hobbies, getting out there doing something, doing something that you love, uh going to work, um, you know, talking to your friends, you know, whatever the case might be, go and do it. Don't close yourself off because at that point, you know, from my own personal experiences, if you just kind of close yourself off, you it's not gonna be good for you. It's just gonna put yourself in a deeper hole than you actually started in. Like, I still have a little bit of like closed offness on like certain subjects. That's my own personal, you know, like venture I have to figure out, you know, like how to be better about that, but for the most part, um, it's been uh it's been a ride, that's for sure. But I can definitely say from 2020 and 21, I'm definitely in a much better headspace from those instances that happened in those years from previous years. I mean, I've come a long way from from those uh from those transgressions, if that's even the correct word for that. But come a long way. You just gotta go out there and you know keep your mind off things like playing base. Like I play baseball every season. I go out to the range, you know, I'm building, you know, I'm using my gunsmithing license to you know build guns, help build guns, you can build guns for myself, help, you know, people that I know out with, you know, fixing their guns or you know, whatever you know the case might be. But just doing little hobbies here and there to keep my mind off of the bad, and then you know, tackling the bad when it comes and not just trying to suppress it. Because the more and more you try to bottle it up, that bottle can only take so much and can expand so much. It's like a balloon. More than a bottle, it'd be a balloon. You know, bottling all the bad shit into the balloon, blowing blowing the balloon up. At some point, that balloon's gonna fucking pop. It can only handle so much, and that's kind of like your mental health. You're everyone has their breaking points, and you know, instead of bottling it up, try to tackle, you know, some shit's hard, you know, to face head on, but I believe in my own personal experience, it's better to try to get ahead on it rather than bottle it up. Because if you bottle it up and you reach your tipping point, it's only gonna be bad from there. So yeah. I agree.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:40

That's uh that's my two cents on it. Did you know I can never eat Carl Jr. again? That's random. Yeah, I know, but it made me think of it because you said the bottled up emotion thing, and then it pops like a balloon. That night that I had whatever happened to me, I still don't know what it is to this day. No one can everyone thinks it's an anxiety attack, but my whole brain like shut off. Like it just done. I wasn't thinking, it was just gone. Um that night I was eating Carl's Jr. And I I there was nothing going on. I was just sitting there eating, and then all of a sudden it was just like that balloon just went boop, and it and I I just spiraled, and I'll never forget that. Ever since that day, I have not touched Carl Jr. Sorry, it just made me think of that. I wouldn't blame the star. Dude, I'm just saying I that was the last thing I was eating before I wasn't myself anymore, and that's I don't know, I'm scared.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:36

I'm blaming double western cheeseburgers on my I was eating one of the mental fucking collapse. Like the West the double western chi was the fucking tipping point for me. They didn't put enough fucking onion rings on my fucking burger for me, and that's what sent me off the deep end. No. Um, I mean, to each his own, understandable. It's like a traumatic event for you. So, like the fucking you know, every time I see a carless, I get triggered. I don't know why. A traumatic experience, I understand. Um, again, this is Kevin's job, you know, to fully understand all this shit. I I understand it to a T, but you know, Kevin's the professional in this uh in this department. But yes, that could be a traumatic experience for you on why you don't eat double western cheese anymore. But good. Pride month, mental health awareness month. You know, last month, I didn't even know this. It was Pacific Asian Heritage Month. I did not know that, you know, like I don't want to sound fucked up, but I didn't know that was a thing. I didn't fucking Filipino and I didn't know it was a fucking thing. I didn't know there was a heritage month. That's pretty cool. Why doesn't anybody talk about it? I think they only recently started talking about it with all the fucking because I didn't know up until like stop Asian hate, you know, the Black Lives Matter, you know, all that shit. I think because of the racism that we're dealing with, you know, in these times and yeah, I think that's where maybe maybe it's always been a thing, but maybe it just like came more into light because of what we're dealing with nowadays.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:32

But dude, not to be random, but this is random. Okay. Do you know how much hate the little mermaid got because the character's not white?

SPEAKER_03 1:05:42

Oh yeah. They w yeah, they will yeah, I've seen I I mean, don't get me wrong, and I can get can the see it's my turn to get cancelled this week, you know. We we gotta upkeep fucking Kevin's, you know, comments of you know, possibly getting cancelled, but Uh we miss Kevin, we miss Zach.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:12

I don't know how to say it without, you know. You're just not. If you have to think about it this way.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:16

No, no, it's it's more no, and I do want to like I understand the times we live in, right? And it's understandable. But like I I don't understand why so many companies, so many, you know, just everyday things, they're trying to be woke. They're trying to force it. You know. It's not so much a forcing, it's just like maybe five, ten years ago, they didn't even give two shits, but now because of the culture change, they're trying to make a business decision to suddenly quote unquote pa maybe care about it. You know, that's just an opinion. You know, it could be like they actually want to be diverse, you know, and that's nothing's wrong with being diverse. Right? Who gives who gives a shit if they made the little mermaid, you know, an African American actor? I don't. I don't care. Like, I don't give a shit, but you know, there are gonna be those people, bigots and you know, whoever's out there. Me personally, I don't care that they changed it up because I mean they've changed a lot of fucking characters. I mean, if the next James Bond is gonna be African American now that Daniel Craig's done, they're oh yeah, they're making that I forget the actor's name, but he's a good fucking actor. But what has James Bond always been? Yep. A Caucasian actor. People probably bitch about that too. Who gives a fuck? Like, end of the day, it's entertainment. But you know, I do find it weird that these companies and stuff are, you know, trying to be woke. You know, I'm gonna put that in quotations. You know, for the people who don't watch the YouTube, I am fucking using air quotes right now who don't watch the visual podcast, but um no, just that's that's one of those things. Uh, you know, I think we live in a very woke culture now, and it's I have the opinion of like people who I've known throughout my life all of a sudden are jumping on this train of like, oh yeah, da-da-da this and da-da-da-da. Fucking 15 years ago, they were the most obnoxious fucking people in high school saying probably some of the most heinous shit that you've ever heard in your fucking life. If I got you know, if we got Marcus on the podcast, Marcus could attest to this for particular people that we know. But end of the day, you know, everybody's entitled to an opinion, although it might be viewed as wrong by some and right by others. Everyone's entitled to opinion. If you don't like that the Little Mermaid is swapped up, I'm pretty sure I won't be watching. I'm not a fan of like the Disney live actions that they've done with like all these older movies. Like The Lion King was okay, and I was a huge Lion King kid growing up. Like, I used to have that fucking movie on repeat as a fucking kid. Like, that's how much I fucking loved Lion King. Like, I still have a tattoo that I want to do down my side. It's the hand painting of Simba that Rafiki does, and I wanted to put Hakuna Matata down my side with the Simba at the top. That's just, you know, Lion King childhood shit. Means something to me, you know. I haven't really been a big fan of the live action stuff, though. It just doesn't compare to the animation compared to the live action stuff. It just doesn't have the same, I guess. Feel yeah, I I guess the feel would be up there within that, but yeah. It's like I don't I don't see the same um the same feel for it, you know, the same uh oh my god, it's the Lion King, you know?

SPEAKER_00 1:10:58

Yeah, yeah. But it's like, oh, it's the Lion King.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:02

Yeah, like oh cool. I mean I watched it, you know, it was you know a decent movie, you know, for being live action, but it wasn't the Lion King, you know, I remember, you know, but that could go the same for saying you like Star Wars, you know, or you know, movies that they've you know tried to revamp, you know, and shit like that, you know, and it's like the sequel trilogy to Star Wars. I I watched them all. It was Star Wars, you know, I enjoyed it. Did I fucking like them compared to like the Star Wars I grew up on? No. There's a lot of shit that they changed within the story and didn't really stay true to what George Lucas created, you know, and there's a lot of changes in these other movies that they're doing, you know, with you know different characters or live action or whatever the fucking case might be, just doesn't have the same um memory that I held as a child. Exactly. So yeah. For you people who are mad that the little mermaid is fucking changed up, cry about it. Write a review, write a review. Like I don't know what else to fucking tell you. Like, sorry that your feelings were hurt over a fucking movie. Like, it is what it is, you know. I'm pretty sure that actress probably did a very good job of you know making the movie. Yeah, I've seen previews for it. It looks decent for what for what they made it, but I can understand the fucking hate that fucking people are trying to do. It's because you we live in the time where fucking people are more open about their fucking racism than before, so it's what it is. That's very true. You're always gonna have bigots in this world, people, and that's uh that is what it is. But final thoughts, John. Now that we went off on a fucking tangent with a little mermaid.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:10

Um man, final thoughts. Wow. Um, honestly, just remember that you're not alone. You're never alone no matter if you think you are or not. And if you are, please call the number. I wish I would have called instead of talking to an automated thing. I think I think that's what happened because they asked me the same question three times when I said help me, I need help. Um yeah, I I would highly recommend reaching out. You know, even I I found this to be productive as well is talking into the mirror and writing my shit down.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:43

You're a bad bitch, not a sad bitch. There's a there's a person at work. I'm not gonna go like into full detail of her uh of her name. Her name's Jasmine, but that's all I'm gonna fucking give. She works for us, and that's what she fucking she's like. I tell myself in the mirror every morning you're a bad bitch, not a sad bitch. And you know.

unknown 1:14:15

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:16

Yeah, I mean, that helps. Just a little morale boost. Telling yourself something that you want to be instead of how you're feeling is it could change your day. I uh uh uh I used to write down what I was thinking when I would go into a dark place, and then I would crumble it up and throw it away when I was done. I'd remember what I taught what I draw it down, draw to dotted, whatever. Uh, and then I would just crumble it up and throw it away. It helps. You know, you're never alone even when you think you're alone. There's always five different voices in your head. Just remember that.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:55

Nice. Good. Good job, John. For those people who don't know, the US Department of Health and Human Services, you know, if you're dealing with substance abuse and mental health um issues, it's the SAM SAM psa. I'm not even gonna try to enunciate that. But these people, it's a national uh helpline, hotline, kind of like the suicide prevention. Um, if you call 1-800-662 help, and that's once again 1-800-662 help. Help will be 4357. You can call them. And if you guys didn't catch the numbers or anything like that, um we will actually have the numbers listed in the descriptions, both on the YouTube and through uh what you will see on your mobile devices if you're listening to this on Spotify and um all that. Um help is actually great and available, you know, the suicide prevention and crisis, you know, lifeline. Um, you can actually call or text 988 um for the suicide prevention um and all that stuff. And I'm pretty sure all those networks can get you into you know help talking to someone. Um, just trying to get you the help that you need. You know, if you don't think that's the route that you want to go for, and you want to talk to family, friends, whoever the case might be, just talk to somebody. Don't like John said, you're not alone. Don't try to talk about it alone or you know, go through this alone because it's better with help at the end of the day. But June for the entire month, it is mental health awareness, for those of you who don't know. Um we will be back next week. Maybe maybe we'll see Kevin or fucking Zach one of these days. Maybe we'll see them back on the podcast, but as for now, it's just being John. Um we might have a special guest next week. Might be bringing uh Mr. Alan Baker. Is that for no, that's not your dead. Uh he is a Marine Corps veteran. Um, he deals with uh you know some things of uh mental health as well. We won't be going too much into the subject for the rest of the month. I think you know this will be the one episode that we do. Baker might talk about some of his stuff as we uh you all get to know him. We already know him, but uh as he kind of if he talks about it on the podcast, I'm gonna reach out to him, see if he wants to come on for an episode. Um, but other than that, um John has given his final thoughts. I have given my final thoughts. Big thank you, because I forgot this fucking last week after reviewing and editing and doing all the shit that I have to do as one of the podcast hosts. We fail to thank our sponsors.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:32

Yeah. That's a big ol' mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:36

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:37

So who are we thanking this week? Uh big thank you to Buzz Sprout, who is not a sponsor, but who's our main uh directory? They it's a great software if you people are ever trying to get into podcasting. It automatically you upload it to them and they ship it out to all the major directories that you um apply for andor list yourself on. So as you guys can see on the RSS feed, or if you guys watch the actual YouTube visual, um, we are on Spotify, Apple Music, Google Podcast, iHeartRadio. I believe we're still on Pandora. I'm not sure. Is that still a thing? I don't I mean it's still a it's still a like uh an oopsie, but I think I think we're still on Pandora. Um we're not gonna go into too much detail on that. Uh but if you ever want to go and see all the directories that were listed on, just go over to our podcast website, which will actually lead you, and I will tell you all the directories that were on as of right now. Um Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcast, Overcast, Amazon Music, iHeartRadio, Castro, Castbox, Good Pods, Pod Friend, and there's a shit ton more I'm not gonna get to. Uh Pandora is not on that list, so I don't think I don't think we're on uh Pandora anymore. Um who knows? For anyone who like who the fuck listens on Pandora anymore, honestly.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:19

Dude, when I first met my wife, she did, not but just for music, and that was like seven years ago.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:27

Like everyone everyone either uses Google Music, Spotify, or fucking Apple. Like, let's be real, or YouTube music. But regardless, if you want to find our RSS feed, that's gonna be the mag dump podcast.buzzsprout.com. That'll lead you to the RSS feed. Um, that'll show you not only all the episodes that we have out, but um, it shows you all the hosts that are on the show. We have John. Hello, clinically depressed, clinically depressed, yeah. We have Kevin, you myself, and uh Zach, and uh someone who we originally started out the show with was uh Mr. Paulson, Mr. Jared. Uh he used to be a part of the crew, but uh the RSS feed will tell you everything you need to know. If you look up either way, the Mag Dump or just Mag Dump Podcast on YouTube will pop up. That's where you get all the visuals. We do have a Patreon. If you guys want to support us on Patreon, just look at the Magdump Podcast on Patreon if you want to support the show that way. Um, big thank you to one of our major sponsors, uh, Mission 22 being as it is, mental health awareness month. You know, unfortunately, 22 veterans a day um commit suicide. Mission 22's project is to hopefully end all veteran suicide and get them the help that they need, whether that be therapy or you know, whatever the case might be. But that's their mission is to end all veteran suicide. Check them out. Uh, a big thank you to Dr. Squatch. See, I'm being a good podcast host this week. Um, big, big thank you to the Casa de Waffle community. Um, that is our Discord community where we have plenty of streamers like myself and John here, um, where we've built this community up of you know, like-minded individuals, veterans, veteran civilians, as John likes to call himself. Um you know, just a very great group of people that we have in here where we can hop in a Discord call if you're ever going through shit. You know, there's a lot of people to reach out to in here. Um, so yeah, big thank you to all the Casa DeWaffle support. Um, and then all of you guys who just randomly listen to us bullshit for almost an hour and a half, almost every episode. You're the best. Big thank you. Big thank you to all our listeners, viewers on YouTube. You know, any way you listen or watch the podcast, we thoroughly uh appreciate all the support. And for the people who are watching in Sweden and Poland, and I check the I check the fucking stats, people. All right, I check the fucking stats on a weekly basis. For you people overseas in Europe who listen to the podcast, you know, big thank you for uh, you know, that overseas support. Um, but other than that, I am Richard Martin. Um, I am not clinically depressed.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:46

And I am John Rowe. I'm clinically oh god, I fucked it up, dude. I fucked it up. That was my one moment where it was gonna sound normal. Just shave your ass already.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:56

Shave your ass. And we are the mag dump cod. See, you got me fucked up now, John. What the fuck? We are Magdump Podcast. We are the stay fetty ready fast. We are the Mag Dump Podcast. We appreciate all your support, and we will be back out next Monday with another episode. And as John always says to send us off. Save your ass. See you next week, people.