The Archives: Abuse & Control

In this episode, the panel takes a deeper look into the many forms of abuse that can exist behind closed doors — physical, emotional, verbal, financial, psychological, and coercive control — and how difficult it can be for victims to recognize, escape, or speak publicly about those situations.

Using the allegations involving streamer Amouranth as a real-world discussion point, we examine how abuse can present itself even in relationships that appear successful or “perfect” from the outside. The conversation explores the pressures of public image, manipulation, fear, dependency, and the impact that controlling relationships can have on mental health and personal autonomy.

The panel also discusses the internet’s reaction to situations like these, the dangers of victim blaming, and why conversations around domestic abuse need to be approached with empathy, accountability, and nuance rather than gossip or entertainment.

This episode may be triggering for some listeners, as it contains discussions surrounding domestic violence, emotional abuse, and trauma. Listener discretion is advised.

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

A lot better.

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Yeah. Still on the grape.

SPEAKER_04 0:04

Uh yeah. Unfortunately I do have the grape. Uh yeah, it was a bad decision.

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Oh.

SPEAKER_04 0:13

Grape does not taste good.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

No, grape is terrible.

SPEAKER_04 0:17

And I realized that halfway through the bottle that I'm like, nope, never getting this again.

SPEAKER_00 0:21

So down here in the south, they make something called grape aid. So it's like fucking grape lemonade. It's actually damn good. It's like a big thing down here. Everything's just chock full of sugar. That's just how it is. For sure. It's just how it is. Dude, I'm a big tangent.

SPEAKER_03 0:37

This is a little tart.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Yeah, dude. You put some more sugar. Can I get like a cup of sugar in this, please?

unknown 0:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

I'm actually losing weight. Tang? Loved it when I was a kid. I haven't had it in 15 years, though. I don't think I've ever had it.

SPEAKER_04 0:53

It must have been just a kid thing. Because I had it when I was a kid and I haven't had it since.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

Yeah, I don't know. Because it's just not a huge thing.

SPEAKER_04 1:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:02

Um okay, here's one. Uh favorite chocolate drink powder to mix into your milk. Go. Rich. When you were a kid. You didn't do it?

SPEAKER_02 1:15

I didn't like chocolate up until I didn't start eating chocolate until like I was 17, 18.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

Oh, was it like bamboo shoot powder or something?

SPEAKER_02 1:30

Well good to know that the fucking racism. That's not racist.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

Sorry, prejudice.

SPEAKER_02 1:40

My people.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

I'm gonna go more bigoted. How about we'll go bigoted? We'll go bigoted.

SPEAKER_02 1:47

No, my uncle told me chocolate was shit as a kid, so I'd never fucking ate it.

SPEAKER_00 1:52

Fucking uncle was wrong. Let me just tell you that right now. Alright, John. Chocolate pie.

SPEAKER_04 1:57

Honestly, I was a Nesquit kid.

SPEAKER_00 1:59

Yeah, that's what I figured. Zach?

SPEAKER_03 2:01

See, I was all about the uh hot cocoa. Whatever I can do and switch milk in with it.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

Like Swissmas? Yeah. Oh yeah, Swissmas. Absolutely. You guys ready for this old timing? For the oldest guy in the group? More Ovaltine, please. I was gonna say malt powder. Yeah, dude. I remember getting it in the plastic and like the or the um the glass jars with the orange fucking labels on it. Yeah, because my dad was 110 when he had me. So yeah, I grew up on fucking Ovaltine. Let me tell you, it's I liked it, but when I first had Nezquick, I was like, what is this shit that Ovaltine is now at this point in time? I was like, what is this? Because it's like malted, right? And I like don't get me, I like malts, but uh and it never mixed right. No, no, no, no, because it never it always clumped. Yep, it always fucking clumped every time. And okay, can we all be in agreement that strawberry milk is terrible?

SPEAKER_04 3:01

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:02

Johnny likes strawberry milk.

SPEAKER_04 3:04

I I enjoy it uh once in a while.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

I think I don't understand it, I don't get it at all.

SPEAKER_04 3:10

I'm a big chocolate guy, but if someone throws the strawberry milk in my face, I'm gonna drink it.

SPEAKER_00 3:15

Oh, dude, I it actually makes me gag.

SPEAKER_04 3:18

So you like period blood in your milk? I got my red wings.

SPEAKER_01 3:24

Uh-uh. Well, you heard it here first. We just learned a little something about John today.

SPEAKER_02 3:31

John enjoys his red wings. Congratulations. Hurrah. Okay. Yeah. Hey Pandora, you want to just fucking cancel us again because like we're good with no longer recording. I gotta heard somebody say you, Pandora.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

And it's gonna be nothing but nice because I want to continue to do this.

SPEAKER_02 3:53

Welcome back, everybody, to the Magdump Podcast, where we have been gone. Me and Zach were talking about this the other day when I was editing the most recent episode that went out. Um it's been over a month and a half since we have recorded a fucking episode. A month and a fucking half. I wasted fifteen dollars on the you know, the bus sprout shit because we have to pay for the hours of shit we can upload in a month. You know, it's there, but you know, just a complete waste.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

But I'd like I'd like to make a statement, it's the best month and a half of my life because I didn't have to see your fucking faces. So yeah. But here I am, drug back into the shit.

SPEAKER_02 4:38

It's not by his choice, it's by Pandora's.

SPEAKER_00 4:40

So it's true.

SPEAKER_02 4:42

Thank you, Pandora.

SPEAKER_04 4:44

We've learned our lesson. Thank you for have we though? Have we?

SPEAKER_02 4:48

I haven't learned shit.

SPEAKER_03 4:49

I'm gonna be honest with you right now. Full on, their kind of report was a little bit vague, so I'm still wondering, you know.

SPEAKER_00 4:58

What exactly I want to know which one of you shit zippers out there is the one who fucking recorded it. That's what I want to know.

SPEAKER_02 5:04

You shit zippers. Shit zipper. But we've been away for an entire month. Now we are recording this on the 14th of November. Last time we recorded was in September. We missed an entire fucking month of recording. But you know, hey, a lot has happened since then. Kevin, how is your month off?

SPEAKER_00 5:28

Uh won't get too personal, but it's been okay for the most part, I suppose. Uh uh whoa. Whoa. Focus, the focus was really got rough there. I think it was scary. I wonder if it was the smoke.

SPEAKER_04 5:44

I don't know, that was scary.

SPEAKER_00 5:45

I don't want to talk about it then just the Russians got me. Um it's been pretty good. Uh I have since and my wife makes fun of me every day for it and lets me know. I've since joined a uh motorcycle club. Um it's been pretty cool. It's uh Red Knights Motorcycle Club. Um, there's 10,000 members uh worldwide. Um and they're all retired or active uh firefighters. Um and we just actually had uh they had their 10-year anniversary here um not too long ago, and we had a good time, went on some good rides, ate some good food, met some cool people, only watched a couple bikes go down, so that was good. Everybody was safe. I have to say, some of these guys riding these bikes, just don't get too much bike, man. That's you know, know your size, know your limits. Um, know what you can do with these things because they're gonna kill you. They can kill you, and they will kill you if you don't. And each time somebody went down directly in front of me. So I'm starting to think that I'm the bad luck guy.

SPEAKER_04 6:53

But uh you kept you kept driving, right?

SPEAKER_00 6:56

Oh, yeah, obviously, right? Because I don't have any medical trainer or anything, so I couldn't use any of that.

SPEAKER_04 7:01

So definitely not a retired firefighter or nothing.

SPEAKER_00 7:05

No, no big deal. So, but yeah, no, I mean it's it's been good. Uh, we're gonna get ready uh tomorrow to go see um the SLS Artemis NASA rocket, the biggest one in the world, most powerful one in the world. Try and launch again for the third time. I don't know, I've been down there twice and hasn't worked out, but the wife's gonna get to go with me, and it's gonna be a nighttime launch, so it should be pretty cool. So it'll be fun.

SPEAKER_04 7:29

Pretty sky.

SPEAKER_03 7:30

Quick aside, the funniest thing I've seen on a group ride, though, yeah, was actually a guy pulling up next to me at our first stop of the ride and forgetting to put his feet down when he stopped.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

That happens, he just toppled right over. You know, everybody says, Oh, yeah, it'll always it'll happen once to you. It's never happened to me, and I've been riding since I was a little kid. I've never just like not put my foot down and was just like it's never happened. So I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 7:58

I don't know. The funniest part was he was a pretty experienced rider and he had a GoPro on at the time. Oh no, so the whole thing is on recording too. Good.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

Listen, laugh at him for years to come.

SPEAKER_03 8:10

Yeah, it's pretty funny. I'm gonna have to get my hands on the video.

SPEAKER_00 8:13

I would love to see it. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 8:15

For our listeners out there, before we pan things over to Zach, Zach turned 29 this month's birthday. It is his last year of glimmer and hope prior to next year when he gets to his dirty 30s and he can't trust a fart. Well, that is true.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

See, although that is true, the 30s have been the best years of my life. I just really I'm starting to currently come into my own, so I love it.

SPEAKER_02 8:44

But Zach, how's your month off been?

SPEAKER_03 8:48

Uh not too bad. You know, um hockey just started up here, um, been rolling into that quite a quite heavily. It was a rough start to the season, but they have since come into their own and started winning games again. But man, it was I think we went four straight games without a win, and it was just brutal right in the beginning. Um but had my birthday, had a lot of family birthday parties going on. Um so you know, it was just it's been busy, but it's been good busy. That's about it.

SPEAKER_01 9:32

Nice, nice, John. Awesome. How's your month been off? What have you been doing in here? What do you been doing? I want to come in here.

SPEAKER_04 9:41

You're like, man, look what happened. Let me tell you all this shit that's been going down. All right, that's rich.

SPEAKER_05 9:46

All right, so anyway.

SPEAKER_04 9:49

What do you been doing with your with your time off there, John? A lot of them self-reflect, if I'm being honest. I hate to be the that one to keep it real and bring out the real side, but hold on, I'm not meditating.

SPEAKER_02 10:02

Hold on. The only one to keep it real is what you just stated, right? Well, I mean, like, like the everyone's like got shit. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, hold on. Wait, but you said the only one to keep it real, so Kevin's a bullshitter and Zach down here is a bullshitter. I actually stand by that. I am actually kind of a bullshitter.

SPEAKER_04 10:23

Not not in a literal sense, but as in like, I don't have anything really uplifting like you guys do, you know, because you guys do shit. I don't. It's a whole different perspective, right? So, like my big moments was that I took care of my kid while he was sick for a week with uh very what was it? It was like severe bronchitis. It was like elevating more and more as the days went on. And we thought it was just a cold, but let me tell you the amount of times that we had a clean up throw up and all that, like you know, that that's a good moment that I was there to do it. Right. So in my world, my life, that was awesome. Yeah, vomit. All right.

SPEAKER_00 11:05

Good job, Dad.

SPEAKER_04 11:07

Yeah, really put one there. Um, this Wednesday, actually, um, I'm hoping to go to karate for the first time in like two, three months.

SPEAKER_00 11:18

Karate, karate?

SPEAKER_04 11:19

Not not me, but for the kid. Oh, you should do it with the kid. It's expensive.

SPEAKER_00 11:25

Yeah, but I mean, like, that'd be like a cool thing for you and your son to go through, right?

SPEAKER_04 11:30

No, because he'd always be ahead of me.

SPEAKER_00 11:32

Why is that?

SPEAKER_04 11:33

Because he's already uh orange.

SPEAKER_02 11:41

What the hell? Okay. I'm just asking questions.

SPEAKER_00 11:45

That's not what Sigmund Freud says. Let me just tell you that right now.

SPEAKER_04 11:50

I don't want my kid to judo throw me.

SPEAKER_00 11:52

You you should learn like Brazilian jiu-jitsu.

SPEAKER_04 11:55

You know what I wanted to learn from Roman gecko?

SPEAKER_00 11:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:58

I wanted to learn Roman gecko. Is it gecko? Is that the am I saying it right? Greco. It's more of a wrestling style. Gecko.

SPEAKER_00 12:05

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of a ground ground game fit.

SPEAKER_02 12:08

Very hands-on less on car insurance.

SPEAKER_04 12:14

Isn't it military? Isn't military learn grecko?

SPEAKER_03 12:17

No, it's more of a jujitsu and judo.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

Yeah. A lot of mix of a lot of different things. Close up combat and being able to, you know, they can tell you better than me, but yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:29

Then they switch you into the verbal judo.

SPEAKER_03 12:35

A lot of buttons with the verbal judo.

SPEAKER_00 12:43

Well, then tell something, tell us something good besides that. Sean.

SPEAKER_04 12:53

My therapist abandoned me. Uh. It's been about a month.

SPEAKER_00 12:58

Do you not understand the word good, John?

SPEAKER_02 13:00

I don't know what's good right now, dude. I'm not gonna lie to you. I mean, you have a free, you know, you know, or a gateway to get in touch with a therapist. You know, he's below me as my four square sits on my screen.

SPEAKER_00 13:16

Oh, we're actually in the right, because yeah, you're above me.

SPEAKER_02 13:19

Have you have you attempted to reach out to you know Kevin?

SPEAKER_00 13:25

And or and or his wife? Yeah, yeah, we've talked.

SPEAKER_04 13:29

I just I'm I'm one of those people that don't like to you're gonna hate this as a therapist, but be a burden. I don't I don't like to that's why I don't go out of my way to like contact anybody. I really don't. I don't you know I say hi in like the Discord and stuff, but it's just more or less a general statement. Like I enjoy people coming to me for that, like, oh, he actually wants to hang out, he wants to talk. So that's why I'm not really around a lot unless someone like adds me or like I'm here, but I feel like I'm a burden if I just join Calls, you know.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

I agree. Yeah, no, I'm just kidding, John.

SPEAKER_04 14:15

Anyway, so good news. We had to put shit today, man. Um I gotta take a shower after this. That's a good thing to look forward to. Get all clean. Um clean of the dog shit.

SPEAKER_00 14:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:27

Um drink some water.

SPEAKER_00 14:34

Anyways, that was today's podcast.

SPEAKER_03 14:36

I'm John. Hello. Speaking of showers, I had to give fucking the dog one yesterday.

SPEAKER_04 14:43

What happened?

SPEAKER_03 14:43

Old running shit. We were over at my sister's getting his fucking nails trimmed, and he rolled in some decaying carcass. Oh, well, I bet he loved it too.

SPEAKER_00 14:54

He was all in it.

SPEAKER_03 14:55

Oh, it was all over his collar. I was like, oh, dude, come on. He just smelled like rotting animal.

SPEAKER_00 15:04

Fucking drax just rolls, just he dives into it. It's fucking any smell on the ground. He's like, Oh yeah, I like that shit.

SPEAKER_02 15:13

He's like, get that on me.

SPEAKER_03 15:16

So, of course, like you know, get all get them all cleaned up and everything, get him out, and then he just absolutely soaked the bath mat. So it's been hanging up ever since.

SPEAKER_01 15:29

At least you gotta relax. Yeah, he's at least he got a bath.

SPEAKER_02 15:35

It's all good.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

What about Richie? Richie Bitchie, how about you? Richie Bitchy. Damn.

SPEAKER_02 15:42

Well, uh, other than the bigotry of my people constantly. No. Uh Kevin, all the boys, other than you know, John, because you haven't really been around, know more about the uh career changes. Um went back to the private sector, uh, working as a gunsmith as well, but with both salaries. I am now six figures. So really proud of that because here in the next year or so, I've been looking into houses and stuff and trying to get out of renting, so to speak. Cause obviously we all know the fucking luck that I've had the past two fucking years with fucking rental places. Cause uh water heater just went out last week.

SPEAKER_05 16:39

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 16:40

And even though they swapped another one in, you could tell that shit was used from like fucking somewhere. It's all beat up and shit like that. But no, hopefully within the next year, I think my lease is up with this place in October of next year, looking at possibly getting a house. I've been talking to my grandma a lot about possibly moving her and my cousin out here and just getting a house to where all of us can live out of it and whatnot, get her out of Camifornia. But no, work is kicking my ass. I think I popped in, what was it, the other night? You and Zach were in here playing Call of Duty. Yeah. Yeah. Uh work's been a work's been a bitch. It's definitely getting used to because uh the set days are Wednesday through obviously I work into Sunday morning, but um I'll go do the gunsmithing for a little bit, a couple hours, come back home, take a nap, wake up, try to eat dinner. Then I go in for the night shift, and the night shift is from it could be from five to five or seven to five, depending on the day, but it's still my body on those days. Like I tr I want to get on and try to get on my computer and play things and do things. After I'm off work, I'll hit the gym, I'll go take a shower, and it's just fucking I sit at the computer, I try to look at the goddamn fucking power button, and I'm like, you know what, fuck this. And then I just I just go and lay in bed.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

If I've told you how many nights I've actually done that, I'll sit there on Discord, right? I'll sit there, I'll hit everything on, I'll look at Discord, I'll see everybody in there playing, and I'm like, no. And I just like I I still don't have the motivation to to to do it tonight. I get it. Yeah, I fucking get it.

SPEAKER_02 18:33

So yeah, no, but other than that, you know, just uh keep continually building the gun collection. I just made my last payment for my Chi-Tech bolt action that uh I had put on Leeway. So that should be here within three weeks. It's probably never gonna get fired. It's probably gonna be a nice fucking mantelpiece somewhere because the ammo costs way too damn much. I'll fire it like once or twice, but the ammo for that shit is fucking insane. Make your own six figures the price. You're making plenty of money. You just you just I need that for a house now.

SPEAKER_00 19:09

Included about all the money you're making now. So fucking buy some ammo, you cheap bastard.

SPEAKER_02 19:14

No. It's you save your money by not spending it. Just because I make the money doesn't mean I should spend it.

SPEAKER_00 19:22

Do you have an econom uh economist tell you that? Oh, you're taking notes and shit. Don't spend the money. That's how you do it.

SPEAKER_02 19:31

Well, that's how my grandpa taught me as a song because I was always blowing my fucking money, always had a hole in my pocket, and he was like, you know what? You're never gonna save any fucking money if you keep on fucking spending it. I'm like, yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

Maybe you like you like the finer things in life. There's nothing wrong with that. This motherfucker's probably got bands hanging underneath that bed right there. All those jars under the bed.

SPEAKER_04 19:53

This is for my Friday night, Saturday night.

SPEAKER_02 19:56

Well, I work Friday and Saturday nights, so I can't really fucking go out. I mean, I'm in the area sometimes where the clubs and the bars are at and shit, but no, I'm on shift, can't fucking do nothing.

SPEAKER_00 20:07

No, I think it's good for you. You'd be making good money, you'd be able to fucking get all this shit on your own, and then at that point in time, maybe be ready to uh start the uh the woman hunt again, you know? Well after you get your shit on the other.

SPEAKER_02 20:20

I'm not even I'm not even in that mindset of hoping like if it if it comes along, it comes along, you know. I'm not out there actively like in the past where I've actively okay, I'm gonna search for something right now. I'm just kind of turned off that whole fact. I'm just worried about you know, work, getting my shit fucking all my shit and all my ducks in a row. Then we're if that shit comes along in that process, cool. If not, at least I've you know helped myself.

SPEAKER_00 20:50

That's that's what I was getting at. Like, that's how I met Erica. Like I had no intentions whatsoever of getting anything serious. So I was not serious at the time, but I was getting my shit together, then all of a sudden it just kind of came along, and that's how it works. That's how it should work, like organically. I think that's how the best relationships come across.

SPEAKER_02 21:10

Rather than trying to force it.

SPEAKER_00 21:12

Yeah, never force that shit. Speaking of not forcing things, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:17

Today's topic.

SPEAKER_00 21:18

What's what's our topic today?

SPEAKER_02 21:20

Uh so a lot has happened over the month that we've all been, you know, on our hiatus. Uh, for all the people who are listening to the most recent episode that dropped, um, we recorded that in September. Obviously, we're talking about the launch of Call of Duty. Obviously, when we released that. Call of Duty. Call of Duty was already out. Um, domestic abuse is and abuse in general is tonight's topic. Um, one particular thing that stemmed and sparked sort of this idea was for a lot of people who are in the gaming streaming world know of Amaranth. Yeah, ASMR streams, uh uh hot tub streams, you know what some she's some dancing. She she hasn't OnlyFans had I I don't I haven't even fucking like looked into the full like what all her socials are. She was live on Twitch, um and it was very uh I guess uh a different setting than what she's used to, like what her viewers are used to seeing. But you she dropped that she had a husband, and that I seen a lot of outlash on her obviously not uh disclosing that information. Um, but on October 15th, she had a broadcast, her husband calls her in the middle of the broadcast and starts fucking berating her, threatening to kill her dogs, burning all the money in the accounts. There were text messages that she was showing while the live was actually the live stream was going on. Where if you don't answer me within this set of time, there goes 250,000. Here's 500,000, here's a million. I've locked all the bank accounts, and she was showing on where she got locked out of all her accounts and all this other shit. But you could physically see if you're watching the broadcast, there's plenty of YouTube videos out there. I didn't see it live, I seen it through a YouTube video and snippets of it, but where she's distressed. You can tell that she's crying, this is actually real. But then there was a lot of people who called this was an act, and I was like, that would be pretty fucked up if it wasn't.

SPEAKER_00 23:48

But what surprise you?

SPEAKER_02 23:50

Well, no, as a content as a as a content creator, you have to look at those things in different ways. Are you doing this for views? Are you doing this as a form of um monetary gain? You know, hey, feel sorry for me, send me money. You know, but a lot of the comments, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:08

Like whether she's cheated or not, she's leaned fully into it, yeah, and has embraced it and has made a lot of money because of you.

SPEAKER_02 24:16

So and there was no telling on what, but a lot of the comments that I was seeing initially when this whole shit went down last month was were you know, I can actually say it on this platform. I can't say it while I'm live streaming on Twitch, but the fucking simps of the world, okay. I can fucking say this on this platform. I cannot say it while I'm live streaming because TOS, but simps. Okay, you're out there, whatever, nothing against you. You do what you want to do. You willingly gave her money, whether it be a hundred dollars, five dollars, three thousand dollars. You know, the you you people out there, yeah, millions altogether, but yeah, what a lot of you people don't understand for the people who are bitching, oh no, she should have been honest. I I was thinking she was single, thinking that you had a chance, right? That's like me going out to a Twin Peaks, yes, at a bar, sitting down at the bar, where yes, the bartender might be attractive. It is an all-female workplace as far as the wait staff goes. It is her job in that aspect of being a waitress to fucking flirt with you and make you feel nice. Why? Because she's gonna get tips, and secondly, it's within her fucking job description.

SPEAKER_00 25:38

The atmosphere of going to Twin Peaks. Yeah, now I go to Twin Peaks with my wife, right? Yeah, all the time, and I love the food. The atmosphere, I the one we have down here is built a little different than the one up north. It's very sport bar-esque, but the food's good, the atmosphere is good, the waitresses are great looking, and my wife points out a nice ass for me, and I enjoy that. There's nothing wrong with that. But I was gonna go down to you. You took the words right out of my mouth, Rich. I'm like, are you the same type of people that think you go to a strip club and think that the strippers maybe like you too? Like, she had no obligation. Okay, first of all, I'm not into the whole fucking like ASMR, I'm not into the whole hot tub streamers or fucking uh uh OnlyFans or anything like that. Like, that's not my thing. It's like and I kind of find it really weird, honestly, in my personal life, but hey, more power to you. That being said, she has no ob zero obligation to what's a business model any personal information about her, whether she's married, has a boyfriend, whether she's gay.

SPEAKER_02 26:43

It's great business, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:46

Right, and you know, some would say, you know, maybe she wouldn't have so many people if uh people thought that she wasn't married. Let me tell you one thing, she would have the exact same amount of people if they thought she was married. It wouldn't have changed anything.

SPEAKER_03 27:00

If not more her growth rate might have been a little bit slower initially, but maybe at the best.

SPEAKER_00 27:07

And that's a maybe. No, y'all are just way too much with that.

SPEAKER_02 27:11

Yeah. That was a lot of the mainstream comments that came with it, you know, the the community outlash when they found out that she was married. Um, you know, the the faking it was was there. The way I I've seen various different breakdowns of the situation, whether it be different streamers covering it, different content creators covering it. There was one streamer, I forget his fucking name, and he had so much backlash. He posted on Twitter, he was like, Yeah, this is fucking terrible, but I can't stop focusing on her tits. He's talking about this domestic abuse of you know, this abuse that has been going on or is I appears on the fucking screen, and you're just yeah, just tits. Like, that's great and all but those tits.

SPEAKER_00 28:09

And that absolutely falls into exactly what we just said, right? Yeah, it doesn't matter. Oh, boobs. Boobs.

SPEAKER_02 28:15

Oh, oh, you have a husband, but oh boobs. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:19

Well, things aren't working out. Yeah, are you gonna say things that aren't working out?

SPEAKER_02 28:23

So you're saying there's a chance she's filing a divorce. That's all I um it goes on about uh I'll just read from this excerpt. During the stream, uh Amaranth, also known as her proper name, Caitlin, spoke to Lee, who is her husband, Nick Lee, on the phone, and he could be heard shouting and swearing at her, accusing her of lying about his behavior and telling her to get the fuck out of the house. Caitlin also shared text mess text messages he allegedly sent. I like how they use the word allegedly, because there's no obvious proof that he actually sent those. Yeah. Where he called her a quote-unquote dumbfuck, stupid bitch, whore, cunt, etc. We can go down the list of the names that were called, but and claimed to be spending hundreds, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars of her money apparently as a punishment for refusing to call him back. That stream was the first time Amaranth, who has been a creator on Twitch since 2016, has nearly six million followers, publicly stated she was married for the first time. She claimed David wanted her to keep their relationship secret because it could ruin the business model.

unknown 29:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:48

I didn't even read that excerpt up until now, and I fucking it's gonna ruin your business model. Well, fucking people are thinking that was her making upward of one point nine million dollars per month only on OnlyFans. That's only on OnlyFans. Yep, that doesn't include the Twitch revenue. What are we doing? That's well, John, do you have some secret fucking feat that you need to post on fucking feedfinder?

SPEAKER_00 30:22

I can't say I've been making those good a numbers with my tubby toes, but yeah, you know, we've been gone for a month.

SPEAKER_04 30:29

We haven't been able to add that.

SPEAKER_00 30:30

Um in fact, I'm paying more in than I'm actually getting out at this market time. You know how hard it is to get professional foot shots nowadays? It's it's tough. It's tough. Yeah, a hard business.

SPEAKER_02 30:41

Undisclosed earnings revenues does not include into the 1.9, which would be from lifestyle ASMR and hot tub Twitch streams. So obviously, you're not gonna get the metrics on that. But the police got involved on the 17th, according to this, according to this article. On the 17th, the police were involved. On October 18th, she returned to Twitch telling viewers Lee was getting help and that she was seeking legal and emotional counsel. She also confirmed that as of today, I have access to all my accounts and finances again. Her last update came on October 19th, and this is where she has now stepped into a hiatus of taking a break, not sure when I'll be back. And that was posted on the 19th, and there's been no further update from there, according to the article, and this was written four days ago.

SPEAKER_04 31:43

So you guys want to hear a wild twist that I'm thinking of?

SPEAKER_00 31:47

Yeah, I really do.

SPEAKER_04 31:48

I believe that the abuse was real. Okay. What if it was like a way for her to stay relevant while taking this?

SPEAKER_00 32:00

That's what people are saying.

SPEAKER_02 32:01

That's like Well, that's where the people are calling out fake and another aspect to this, right?

SPEAKER_03 32:06

So the whole thing with her going live on Twitch while this is happening could also be, you know, kind of like a play on getting power back, I guess, in the dynamic of the relationship, right? So she goes to her platform, which she has a ton of support on, right? And she's now boosting out this evidence, right? And whether or not it was factual is irrelevant, right? But because she's put it out there and it's gotten so much traction, there's so much more validity to the claim that she has that it's happening. Right? So if you know she was having any struggle with getting an investigation, whether there's previous domestic uh dispute cases going on where police have showed up to her residence, etc., and nothing's coming of it, now it's getting traction. Now the police are involved, now there's evidence that can be, I guess, subpoenaed just based off of what was witnessed by a ton of people and what was recorded. The sex cop side coming out.

SPEAKER_04 33:24

Yeah. So from the back pocket.

SPEAKER_03 33:28

There's so much from that she could benefit just from going live on the legal aspect for what it does and open doors for her in the actual process of the police investigation, etc.

SPEAKER_00 33:44

There's very good possibility that she received counsel before she actually did this. Oh, yeah, from a lawyer being like, Well, you have this platform. So, like, whenever I've gone on Twitch or whatever, obviously she's on top of Twitch anytime she's ever streaming, right? So, you know, just off of curiosity, I always look at what her views are, and it's anywhere from seven, ten, twelve thousand people every single time that she streams, and she can't even be on the she might not even, they might be just showing a picture of a video of her hot tub and people in there talking, seven thousand people, and we're talking about tens of thousands, yeah. And that we're talking tens of thousands of dollars, tens of thousands. Well, I'd say a night, you know, yeah, fifty-sixty thousand dollars, you know, just off that alone, and it's insane.

SPEAKER_02 34:37

Well, a lot of people don't understand from the Twitch side of things when you're live streaming to that big of a platform. Obviously, you're a partnered streamer. For the people who don't know, all those people when she is live and like Kevin said, you know, tens and thousands of people are watching her. Anytime a fucking ad plays, I guarantee you that's a couple thousand dollars that is just coming ad revenue off of that within ad revenue. That's not including the subs that she's getting or the bits or you know what have you.

SPEAKER_05 35:10

Right.

SPEAKER_02 35:11

Just the ad revenue alone. Twitch was making money, she's making money. You know, there's just a shit ton of money to be made there. But regardless, you know, obviously, before we started the podcast, you know, Kevin stated of a devil's advocate thing of you're only getting one side of the story, which is true. You know, obviously, we have not heard him. Yeah, I'm pretty that uh article that I was just reading looks pretty unbiased. Um, obviously, they reached out to him for comment. He declined any type of comments. Um if that yeah, which is smart, which is which is smart, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:53

Right, that's smart. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:57

Well, especially if, and I'm just gonna put if he ha if they have started proceedings in legal action, if she has gone out there and stated, yes, I have been abused, yada yada yada, you know, what have you. But if this was all fucking faked, it's a real slap in the fucking face. For those people who do deal with any type form of abuse, domestic abuse. I mean, shit, what did we just fucking go through a couple months back? The full fucking dept trial of defamation and you know, all that shit, you know. Yeah, shit gate. But it's like one of those things. If this is all an act, like some people are calling out, it is a real slap in the fucking face to the real victims out there, whether you're man, woman, whatever gender you identify as. Are you a different gender, John? Is that why you're yeah, I'm a toaster. Oh, okay, for sure. Um I wouldn't go into a bathtub. Yeah, I wouldn't go into a bathtub. But it would be a real slap in the face because like Zach said, you know, the things of evidence now. Yeah, how how far can you really take that evidence? You know, obviously he's gonna have his side. She's gonna have his side. Most, I think, with this would be squashed and settled quietly. I don't think we're gonna hear anything about it. You know, yeah, we saw it live what uh quote unquote what they maybe that's what they wanted us to see. Who fucking knows? I don't know the situation, I'm not there, I'm not in that relationship.

SPEAKER_00 37:44

But but then the next thing is she says she's got all of her money back. And what we were talking about earlier is like, what does that mean exactly? And now I'm not saying this guy didn't do anything. In fact, wholeheartedly I do believe this guy probably is a piece of shit. I'm just just judging off of what it is, I don't know for sure. But you know abuse aside, so on and so forth, they they are business partners, right? Realistically, they are business partners. So he I would assume in some facet has a right to some of that money. In in in one way or another.

SPEAKER_03 38:25

It'll be interesting to see if the decision from this court case, I guess, will affect what right he has to that money as well.

SPEAKER_00 38:35

Correct, right? This is gonna be actually if you're looking at an unprecedented case that's I I've never heard of anything like this before. Like, this is gonna set a boundary and a and a statement for these types of actions and how they actually affect um finances for these couples, maybe like in OnlyFans, you know, there's all kinds of like couples that do OnlyFans and so on and so forth, or you know, there's a woman or a man, but there's always a woman behind the scenes, you know, a a spouse or so on and so forth. It how does that work? You know, exactly. Because if it's if it's shown that he like he helped set up things and he helped get her started and he was behind the scenes and doing stuff, like legal legality-wise, you would assume he is has the right to entitled to some compensation, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:27

He you would have to be at least what was made up to the point of separation, right?

SPEAKER_00 39:32

You would think so if they were married. I mean, and they were in it together. Because now you're talking not only married, now you made that money together, and there's probably, I would assume, no um prenup, you know. I would assume it's not like a an average thing that everyday couples get.

SPEAKER_02 39:48

Not even the prenups, too. Think about contracts that could have been could have been placed in prior to the start of everything of the cuts and we are a long ways away from honestly seeing exactly what's going on with this trial.

SPEAKER_00 40:05

And eventually a lot of it will be made public knowledge, and we'll be able to find out for sure exactly what happened. Or if it how far it goes. Yeah, exactly. So they would we're really in the air, but it's it's gonna be an unprecedented case because uh it's very interesting. Like, I don't give a shit about these streamers or whatever they do, and blah blah blah blah, but I am interested to see the the legal standpoint and how this will play out in the court of law. That's that's gonna be interesting.

SPEAKER_02 40:33

Having evidence in any type of trial like this is definitely, definitely fucking needed. Oh yeah, like Zach said with the with the subpoenas. Yeah, we don't know what he has. We've only, like Kevin has stated multiple times, only have seen one side of this aspect. It goes into my own divorce case. Um, you know, obviously there were there was domestic abuse in my marriage. Um, but when I told the courts that, obviously, I had no fucking proof whatsoever. I didn't think to take pictures, I didn't think to take documentation, anything. Yeah, I never called the cops. It was it was just one of those things. There's no paper trail. So when I'm telling you proof is on her and you at that time. That's just how it was. Basically, when I brought that up to the judge, he was like, Do you have any proof? You know, I told him no. I just have you know my word to go off of, you know, and witnesses, you know, that have seen, you know, Nathan, Nate Dog, you know, here in the Discord. He was living in the house as some of those things were fucking going on, but he was like, pretty much you have no fucking evidence. It's uh it's all hearsay. It's all hearsay at this fucking point. And it, you know, although it could have happened was his words. And I'm sorry if it did, but we have no legal grounds to pursue anything on that basis of what you're bringing up.

SPEAKER_00 42:02

And as shitty as it sounds, because especially if you are going through something like this, unfortunately that is fair. You know?

SPEAKER_02 42:09

Yeah, no, no, definitely.

SPEAKER_00 42:11

Yeah, no, but I mean, like for anybody else going out there, if this is happening to you, make sure you're covering your basis for yourself and your own sanity and for your own legal actions and for the rest of your life. Um you have to, because they can't just take your word on it. That's just not the way it works. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:32

Victims, yeah. Victims a lot of the time will not say shit until it is way too fucking late. And I Kevin can probably talk better on a mental standpoint of things when it comes to that. Um just thinking of the pro my own thought process while you know I was going through the shit with my ex-wife. One, I was always taught not to lay my hands on a woman. That's just, you know, my own personal morals. Was never put in the situation where I thought I was gonna die or that my life was in danger. But yes, there was physical, you know, punches, there was verbal shit going on. I just fucking took the punches and rolled with it. I was like, you know, hey, fuck it, whatever. That's how you fucking feel, so fucking be it. I'm paying the fucking mortgage. So if you want to fucking leave, there's the fucking door. Oh wait, you don't have a place to stay? Looks like we're at a fucking divide here. Make your fucking mind up. But not saying that that's okay how I handled it, because there's a lot of victims out there who just don't they they feed into their partner of oh no, I'm gonna seek help. States in that fucking article that I was just reading, Amaranth is going, oh well, he's seeking help. You know, and a lot of the times they think their abuser or their partner, spouse, whatever the fuck it might be. Is going to change. And then all of a sudden they're fucking beating the bricks off of them two and a half fucking weeks later. And yet they continue to go back. And I think the reason they go back, I don't know if it's a mental thing. That's why I, you know, I'm not going to speak on that. I don't have too much knowledge within that sector to speak on it fully. But I me personally, I don't understand why they go back. Like if you're fucking that me, I I it was in a personal fucking hell. I wanted to get the fuck out. I just couldn't find a way out up until obviously the move to Colorado happened. And that was my escape. But you know, for these other people, they're living with these people. They're fucking, I don't know if it's like a stability thing or they just like me, I didn't know where to fucking go.

SPEAKER_00 44:48

A lot of it's a codependency issue. Right. So this is this is what you know, this is all you know, this is who you know, and um, you know, it's not it's not so much even at a point in time because you know a lot of people love that person that's that's doing the hurting to them, but it's it's you know, it's that's if it could be scared for um themselves of getting hurt, depending on how bad the abuse is and what kind of abuse it is. It could be scared for the person that's doing the abuse. I mean, like, I don't want to get them in trouble, I don't want to do this, and then there's just that you know, the financial stability that some people are able to just live and go through it because they don't know any better and they don't know how to find help, just like what you said, you didn't know what to do until you knew what to do, and that's what a lot of these people go through. They don't know what to do until that that light finally clicks or somebody says something that makes sense to them, um, where they can finally like find the strength to walk through that door and get out of or find a way out of that terrible situation that they're in. Um, with her, I mean, she seemed from I I I watched the whole thing and I watched all the snippets, I watched all kinds of stuff. She seemed genuine um from my experience. It seemed very genuine. Um, also the fact that she said that he's getting help is that's a very that that that is a staple of somebody who is struggling with domestic abuse. Okay, she lashed out in her own mind, she went against the grain, but now she might feel bad about it because of the situation. Who knows what he said to her? Oh, honey, you know, I love you, blah, blah, blah, so on and so forth. And now she's back in that cycle again. Oh, he's getting help, it's gonna be okay. That's the thing, you you never know. Sometimes it is okay, most of the time it's not.

SPEAKER_03 46:51

Well, I mean, it's interesting. Creatures a habit, too, right?

SPEAKER_00 46:55

Where are we?

SPEAKER_03 46:56

It's I think on the mental standpoint, it's a lot easier to go back and hope that they are changing for the better. 100%. And that's why a lot of people just get sucked back into the cycle with their abusers.

SPEAKER_00 47:10

And I mean, to be fair, on Amarath's standpoint, you know, I don't know what her guy looks like, I don't know anything. Uh, to be fair, Amarath is a was it Caitlin is her name?

SPEAKER_02 47:20

Caitlin is her actual legal woman.

SPEAKER_00 47:22

She's a very pretty woman, right? Right. What what some would say absolutely a gorgeous woman. So, like the the the the prospect of her finding another suitor, for lack of a better term, would be very simple and easy. You know, it's not like she she would be like somebody that as she is online, gawked over, just out in public in general. Um, so you know, it goes a lot further than just being, oh, you're really pretty, uh, you could find any man you want. It goes very deeper on an emotional level, on a psychological level than that.

SPEAKER_02 47:57

What are your thoughts on this, John, other than your camera flashing green every like two days?

SPEAKER_04 48:03

It's so annoying. And dude, honestly, like I'm deep in thought right now. Because I'm I'm thinking about the whole Amarant situation, but I'm also thinking about what's going on with me. And like, I mean, Kevin knows, but just the the verbal abuse that I deal with on a daily basis. It it uh and you know, you were saying like you don't know what to do till that moment happens, or you're scared about the abuser, and like you know, you love that person and and so forth, but I I I resonate with that because it is it's my family, right? Like my mom, my dad. I I get it daily, and you know, I I I don't know what to do because financially I'm stuck, mentally I'm stuck, you know. Everything I'm going through, I'm I'm in a hard place, and like it's just crazy to think that there's different kinds of abuses that have the same effect. Right? I'm not getting punched in the face, but I'm sure as fuck feeling it deep down what it feels like to be punched in the face. Right? And it's kind of sad. It's sad that it has to go to that extent. Like in Caitlin's situation, it sucks that she had to go so public with it just for it to stop. That that's fucked up in a world that we live in. Obviously, she was doing her thing, but you know, clearly we didn't see behind the closed door. Right? Like, there is that one-sided story still, but from my my understanding, it seems like a lot of the cards were being thrown at her, and she was having to take those cards and having to do it, right? And she made that very clear that she gets to be herself. Because the the stream she came back on, she wasn't wearing any any cleavage, she wasn't she was just chilling.

SPEAKER_00 49:56

Very modest, yeah. Like, the most modest I've ever seen her. 100%. I agree with you. That's a very astute observation, John. It really is. Yeah, that's a that's a very good point.

SPEAKER_04 50:06

And and I genuinely believe that she was happy at that moment. She felt really herself. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:15

Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_04 50:16

And that and that's a good thing to see.

SPEAKER_00 50:18

It looked it. I agree. It 100% looked it.

SPEAKER_02 50:21

In the clip, she looks very comfortable.

SPEAKER_04 50:26

Almost like she doesn't have that voice in the back of her head anymore. Like, you know. You can see that there's a there's a change. It was almost like that was her light bulb. That she had to do it in order for her to be herself again.

SPEAKER_00 50:41

You know, and it makes you wonder like what her friend situation is. Her real friends, not these people online, right? Not you cucks. No, you're right. Um uh like what is her what is her real life friend situation? Was she allowed to have friends? Because to what what was she allowed? Who was her sounding board? Because the sounding board was millions and millions and millions of people, is what it ended up being. Right. Because and she looked comfortable doing it. So, like, you know, there's something to be said there about the internet and um how it plays such a large role in so many people's lives. Um you know, it's it's it's interesting. It's very interesting. It's there, there will be, I I guarantee you, there will be a study done about this because this is this is very different. This is so different than anything we've ever done. Um, there will be a there will be talking about this in site courses 10 years down the road. Uh, once all this goes away and plays out, plays out, yes. This will be talked about because this is the reality that we live in now. So I'm I'm very actually, you know, being who I am, and you know, I'm sure my wife would be very interested too. I'm I'm very interested to see how this is gonna pan out and how it's gonna play out. And I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 52:01

Speaking of which, Kev. Yeah, yeah. Amongst your community, right? And your profession, how often is like, say, the Johnny Depp case talked about, and like what happened with that? Never.

SPEAKER_00 52:16

Never, nah. Cause it's kind of a monkey circus. It was a three-ring circus, the whole situation was, right? That those situations happen every day. The the Johnny Depp thing and all that kind of stuff. Not on a grand scale where we're talking about millions of dollars in Hollywood stars. That shit happens every single day.

SPEAKER_02 52:36

High profile case.

SPEAKER_00 52:38

Yeah, it's just a high profile case, and honestly, how it was fucking brought up in the news, how it was uh live recorded the whole thing all the time. It was just uh, you know, like I I I think John has some fucking fault to play in all of this as well. I I I I I do personally, I'm not victim blaming, I'm not doing anything like that. But I mean, like, he has his own issues. Yeah, in in there, there was some very I had some discrepancies about a lot of that stuff. Um, obviously, very too toxic people for each other. That goes both ways. Like, there's no doubt about that. But no, it's just not talked about. I mean, it's because it's just it's too towards the normal. Yeah, it's very, I mean, obviously not to that high extent, it, but it's just that happen this kind of shit happens every day. This is this is nothing. So, like everybody, a lot of people out there that you know aren't aware or aren't in these situations, they're like, oh wow, and I'm like, oh, okay. It's like whatever, yeah. I was interesting, but I don't know. Everything's televised nowadays, and I think that's so fucking weird.

SPEAKER_02 53:51

Well, it's because people choose sides from that fucking point too, like the whole Johnny Depp fucking case, like you had fucking team turd and team fucking team Depp, and like, oh no, Johnny's not the victim here. Fucking, you know, Amber is, you know, oh Amber's not the fucking victim here, you know. Johnny is. A lot of you people who haven't been in that fucking situation ever really can't fucking like you you can post your opinions and shit, but like you can't really fucking talk from a standpoint of yes, I understand fully what fucking subject A and or B you're fucking going through. Whatever the case, it doesn't have to be Johnny and fucking turd, it doesn't have to be Amaranth and I already forgot his fucking name, but her husband.

SPEAKER_00 54:42

We'll call him Carl.

SPEAKER_02 54:43

Carl. Um, you know, just this happens every day. Like John just stated, you're taking and you can correct me if I'm wrong at any fucking point in this fucking statement. Because this is your stuff that you're currently going through. You're being verbally abused by family, is that correct? Correct. Okay. I won't elaborate, but yes. No, you don't have to elaborate. I'm not, I don't want you to elaborate whatsoever because that is a personal issue that could be talked about off shit if you ever want to talk about it. But in a sense, where you know it is not okay, first and foremost. You know, fa family abuse is just as fucking rough as spousal abuse, partner abuse, you know, whatever the fuck abuse is abuse.

unknown 55:30

Right.

SPEAKER_02 55:31

It's just plain and fucking simple. Um, sorry that you're having to go through that. It's a very shitty situation. Um, but when you're looking at it, are they, and I'm just you don't have to fucking elaborate any more than you already have. When they're, you know, sitting there and going in on you. I'm pretty sure it's already shit you've stated on this podcast. You just said finances. Obviously, that comes with having a job. I'm not gonna say if they're going after your mental stability right now with what you've already stated on the podcast, but if they are, that's a shitty fucking feeling. You know, because you can't control that. You know, mental health is we've all spoken about it on this fucking podcast, it's very important. Um I I will say on that note that it's a lot of uh just get over it. Well no, and I guess from a lot of people when they haven't gone through a situation, it is quote unquote just get over it, because they don't fully understand of the aspect and trauma that you're currently fucking dealing with. It you know, a lot of my buddies, you know, a lot of males, you know, it it's a fucking embarrassing thing to say, yeah, my ex-wife fucking hit me. I was going through domestic abuse with my ex-wife. It is fucking quite embarrassing as a man to fucking come and openly say those fucking things because of fear, one fear of judgment. Oh, you fucking pussy, why don't you just fucking hit her back? There are multiple of my uh friends were like, oh, well, why don't you just fucking slap in these are words that are coming just straight out of their mouth, why'd you slap the bitch back? That would have fucking clocked her ass. You're a fucking pussy for not standing up for yourself. Okay? One, you weren't in the situation of what was going on in that particular time. Two, you don't know my moral standpoint, which I thought you guys did because we all grew up together, and you know my standpoint on fucking hitting women. So I'm glad to know that you're really paying attention through all those fucking years and you know, claiming yourself as a friend. But when your family's going after you for certain shit, look at it a way they don't fully under fucking stand. And you know it's okay for them not to understand if you tried helping them understand. I don't know if you have or not.

SPEAKER_04 57:57

Oh yeah. Yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_02 57:59

Okay, then you've tried. Then you have tried. I'm just gonna tell you this right here, right now, from someone who has stemmed from that shit. It's gonna be rough. I'm not gonna fucking sugarcoat it for you. It's gonna be fucking rough. You're gonna go days and days upon fucking self-reflection. What the fuck is wrong with me? You are not the problem, John. Simple cut fucking dry. You are not the problem. And I want you to hear those words and I want them to resonate with you. You are not the problem. Simple as that. They might sit there and shit on you. We might fucking shit on you here in Discord as friends. Nah, no. No, just hear me out. We shit on you, we talk shit to you in a jokingly matter. But at no point in time, you've seen this live yourself, not to yourself, but to someone else here in the Discord, of getting put down for their obviously they can't help what they have, or the life in the fucking road that got fucking thrown down in front of them. But did you not see me go off on that fucking person? We're not gonna name names.

SPEAKER_05 59:10

Oh yeah, we both did.

SPEAKER_02 59:11

Yeah. Both me and Kevin have shit down those types of people, because at the end of the day, you are not the fucking problem. But what it's gonna take for you, and I hope that, you know, as a support system that we all have here, that you take the advice, you seek, you know, you have already done it with Kevin. You know, mine and Zach, we're open to fucking helping you out if you ever reach out. But at the end of the day, coming from that, it's gonna be rough. I had to fucking completely change myself when I moved to Colorado. I did not know how to like Kevin stated, what was it, the friend group with Amaranth, if she was allowed to have friends?

SPEAKER_05 59:54

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 59:55

I stem from that situation. I was not allowed to have my own fucking friends. I did not see my friends for two and a half fucking years while I was in that fucking relationship.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:06

Well, almost two and a half years, but and we see a lot of that isolationism from abusers where they want to take that support system away from you to gain power.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:18

It's control and it's a power thing. Narcissistic tendencies. My dad was a very abusive person. Um, my family very mentally uh will say challenging. Um and I'm not saying that you have to do this, but I got away from my family. Again, I'm not saying that's the right thing to do, it was the right thing for me to do, and I have sh I have strived ever since I was able to get myself out of that environment. And I understand it's very hard for for you, John, because this is what you know. You know that room, exactly. I know that, buddy. You you know that room, you know that house, you know your situation that you're in. You're comfortable, uncomfortable. You know, there's there's a there's a saying that I really like. My wife makes fun of me because it's uh I went to some special classes um for people with PTSD and so on and so forth, but she understands it. There's no growth in the comfort zone, and there's no comfort in the growth zone. Think about that for a second, right? There's no growth in the comfort zone, and there's no comfort in the growth zone. So if you're comfortable and you're just okay with how things are, how they are, the chance of you growing into who you want to be and what you want to be is a lot less to where if you are trying to grow, it's very uncomfortable, right? Because you're you're branching out and you're doing things that you're not normal, that aren't normal for you. And um it just I don't know that that when I learn when I read that and I was taught that and the the the key speaker was up there talking about it, I was like, wow, I was like, I really understand that. And I and I I got it because I've been in so many uncomfortable situations while trying to grow out of what I know. So just like I always keep that in the back of my head. Like when I'm like, okay, you know what? I'm just good with what I'm doing, you know. I'm I'm I'm I'm clear headed, this is cool. And then I'm like, but am I growing from what I'm doing? Just a a tidbit of thought, you know. So yeah, think on that for a while. Let it let it resonate a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:47

All those hot Cheetos that are sitting behind you. I can't eat them anymore.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:53

They harburn, yeah, shits, blood shits, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:58

Yeah, I'm gonna tell you the red that comes out of this body, man.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:02

I just see all those fucking snacks stacked up. They're not mine.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:06

I can't do uh fucking orange juice anymore, guys. 34 years old. Yeah, I have to buy low acid orange juice now because the heartburn is so courageous joke.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:18

I have to take a pill a fucking day. Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:21

I'm about to have like OTC at this point in time.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:25

Oh, and that's exactly what I take.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:28

I have to do uh I have to do a daily allergy pill now. Like, I don't fucking care.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:34

Getting old fucking sucks, people. Don't fucking do it. Don't fucking do it. Zachy has something, it looks like he had something to say down there.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:46

No, I just I think we've touched on a lot of topics like that are really good to get out there about abuse and everything. And I mean, I've always seen it from the outside in, right? I've never had to really deal with it from the inside. Your family's so awesome. Or I'm actually the one. I do, I love your family. But I mean from the outside, it's so rough to you know actually empathize with these people and to view the abuse and try to do something about it. Because I mean, when I was really encountering it, I was in a position to help and I couldn't always get the resources I need to actually help these people. You know, and it was just rough. Um but that being said, I mean, there's a lot of people out there that want to help. There's a lot of people out there that will. It's just getting out there to find them, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:44

Facebook. Uh flyers in a grocery store. You can find help pretty much anywhere you look.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:52

On the marketplace.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:53

But you gotta look for it. It's not gonna come for you. You have to go for it. And yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:01

That's like weird. That mobile isolationism thing. Like that control is them trying to keep you from finding help, you know, because they do want to remain in power, and that's I think what a lot of the domestic abuse um really stems from is a want for power.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:20

That's all it ever was. That's how it was for my father, you know, like growing up. Couldn't have friends, couldn't have a couldn't have a girlfriend, you know, and not that there's anything wrong with being gay, but he would call me like a a a homo or a queer all the time. But uh it for no reason. It's just like, well, yeah, dad, if I was able to go out and maybe uh meet some ladies, that would be wouldn't be an issue, you know, when I was younger. But like you don't allow me to do any of these things, and that's that power dynamic. You know, I could I couldn't have money. That was a big thing, right? I worked since I was 12 years old at my dad's restaurant. Um, I make good tips as a young kid at a restaurant, waiting tables, cooking in the back, so on and so forth. Do you think I ever saw a dollar of those tips? Not one. Not one. He would take the money from me. And if I, you know, as a kid, you try and sneak some money, you know, whatever. You know that you know what that was called if I try to take that money? If I try to keep some of that money? That's called stealing. Can you imagine the thought process of a kid who just earned this money and I didn't get a paycheck or anything? And that's fine. Who earned this money, worked in a very nefarious neighborhood, we'll just say, and and then was told that the money that you just made and is now you're now stealing from your from your dad. Think about that. Think about like think about the the the the complexities of that when I got older. And it got fucked up because I just didn't understand things, you know. It is what it is. It is it is what it is. This is where I am at now. I was able to make it work, and that's all I I am not in the past, I am here forward. Every day is a new day that I keep waking up and trying to better myself, better my relationship with my wife and with the close friends that I do have. So that's how it should be.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:15

You have two people to go off of if you ever need to seek that advice and or confide, John. Because both, you know, myself and Kevin has just don't don't put me in the same thing.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:32

I don't want anything to do with it.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:34

No. No. Fuck you. He's already reached out to you. You're already too far deep, bud. Fair enough. Yeah, you answered that phone call. Actually, you called me, so real friendly. But you have two people to stem off from, you know, Kevin and me didn't fucking know half of the our family shit kind of coincided with one another until we were actually talking about it one night. Like, wow. Look at the similarities.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:04

We all don't have the same lives, right? John, you have your shit going on. Rich, you had your shit. I had my shit. And then just out of all three of us, and then we have Zach over here who knows the exact opposite of that, right? He knows exactly what we probably always dreamed of having, right? And am I what it should be, right? And am I am I jealous of that? If I being best friends with Zach for so many years, a little bit. And I can honestly say I've met his family, I've met his extended family. They've had me over for Christmas. Lovely people, and the he speaks highly of them. Um, so there, of course, there's jealousy, but I'm happy for him that he was able to have that, and I hope to bring that to my family later on down the road if we decide to have kids or adopt or whatever we decide to do. So, you know, that's just a the it's not necessarily a bad jealousy, it's one of those things where I can learn from that and be like, okay, these are the things that I can do to make to to break that cycle for my family. You know, these are the things, this is how a family is actually supposed to treat each other. This is how a family is supposed to interact with each other, this is how a family helps each other. This is what they're supposed to do. They're not supposed to bring you down, they're supposed to build you up even when you are down, even then when you're at your your your furthest, they should be there to help bring you right back up again. There, yeah, and I know you feel that deep down. I know you understand that, and it probably is a fucking real struggle for you to understand why it's not that way, and I can understand that 100%. So I felt that. I I I get that.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:41

That being it is, there may even not even be a reason why it is that way for you, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:47

A lot of times it isn't. There, you know, they're just you know, uh whatever how they were raised. This isn't just a uh a generation, this is a far, far generational thing that goes back further and further and further. Uh abuse and domestic abuse and mental health and all that is completely generational. Um, sure, I mean there's outliers and so on and so forth like that, but it it it builds and builds and builds and builds, and we're seeing the the the the cusp of how bad it is today. That's that's what's going on. We're seeing all that we are regression, we we are complete regressive because of everything that's going on. So but all we can do is keep trying. Work towards that uh ultimate goal of being happy, right? That that's all it really comes down to. You gotta break the cycle. You got to. You gotta break it with you or you gotta break it with your kids. That's just the way it's gotta be. Someone has to do it, so like you are the the man in your your your media family that has to do that, you know? That's what it is. I mean, you and your wife have to be on the same page as well for that. That's how that goes. That's how it goes, man.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:59

With your family, are they a lot older? Uh no, as far as age. Okay, they're a part of the older generation. Oh yeah. That tough love shit doesn't fucking work nowadays. Not a lot of people understand it.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:14

I've kind of become so numb to everything that's been said to me. I get a daily. You shouldn't have had it gone through that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:25

Nobody should.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:26

Nobody should.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:27

Have they wished death upon you? I hope no. They have disowned me. I I well, fuck 'em. Yeah, okay. I I I'm sorry, and I say this with the utmost respect, only because I've gone through that with my mom. Fuck 'em. Sorry, roe family. That's how you treat your own, fuck you. Simple as that. You know, I I haven't talked to my mom since I was 18. I mean, yeah, Facebook messages here and there when she tries to hit me up for fucking money, but when she said, I hope you don't come back, I hope you fucking die, you're just like your father. That day forward, I said, fuck you. It's like Kevin says taking yourself out of that equation if you have the right now, obviously, you don't have the means right now to, you know, move out of that situation, but I got the fuck away. I was supposed to be there for another week and a half to spend time with her and to gather a relationship. I said, fuck you. I went to DC and fucking, you know, hung out with uh with a family friend that was up there. I love DC. You know, and went up there in sight, saw, you know, did shit that I've always wanted to do because I didn't get to go on my DC trip when I was in high school. I did that shit, you know, by myself on my own time. But I took myself out of the equation. When once you disown me and wish death upon me, fuck you, there's a door. I try to live my life now to that standpoint. You don't want to be in it. Don't fucking hold the door open for them. Let it fucking slam right in their fucking face. You as an individual can only do so much.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:08

Your family point, yeah. You know, that's the thing that's the important thing you need to remember is you were at that point where you were ready to make that step. You know, I don't know John's life like that, but I know that he has to make those decisions and make that get to that point where you're comfortable with doing that. You know what I'm saying, John? Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_04 1:13:31

Well, I mean, the only thing stopping him now is that I got a kid. I I make that leap, we got nowhere to go. I got a kid on the street.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:39

Do it. But but you can build upon literally, is what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. You can you can build upon where you're at. You know where you're at, you know where you stand, you know your feelings, you know your your wife's feelings. I assume, you know, you know where you're at, you know where you stand for the most part. Now is the time to build upon yourself to to figure out how to make it better for you and your family, and to put yourself and your family away from a situation that you're uncomfortable with. And that's not gonna happen overnight, right? It's gonna take a lot of, like Richard said, a lot of nights of self-reflection, reflection with your family, talks with your wife, talks with yourself mostly. That that's the big one, right? What do I do? How do I do this? And how do I do it where I can be happy and where I can feel safe and I can make my family safe or feel safe. And eventually it's gonna ring a bell, John. I promise you, eventually it's gonna ring a bell. You just gotta stay strong, and you know you you have people here to support you. So appreciate it.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:44

Don't make any rational decisions that you don't do that.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:47

Never never do that. You definitely gotta do that.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:49

Oh, murder is not an option?

SPEAKER_00 1:14:50

Oh it's an option. It's murder is an option. Murder?

SPEAKER_01 1:14:55

187? What? Murder? Murder.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:58

Murder. Uh no government. He is not talking about um murdering. In the game. Yeah, in the game. Um sorry that you're going through that shit. Um, it's rough. But you know, people out there that are listening, uh, there is hope. You're not gonna be stuck forever, hopefully. I'm just gonna, you know, put that out there because some people cannot escape those particular situations that they're in. But hopefully, Sam escaping those situations at some point you can see the light at the end of that dark, dark tunnel. Um does anybody have anything else to add? Because we wanted to keep this one short, because you know, Zachy Pooh has to work in the morning, so we always get so deep. You know, we are kind of in that time frame of keeping it short. So if anyone has anything to add further to the topic, speak now or forever, hold your peace.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:01

I just want to make it known that I was joking about murder, please don't come after me. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:05

I don't think he was. Come after him.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:09

Somebody come after him.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:11

Get this guy.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:13

Anyone else on the topic? No? We're all in agreement. Okay. First and foremost, after a month and a half of not saying it, thank you.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:24

To our sponsors.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:28

Zach still does Zach still does not have his mountain deer.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:34

As we're putting everything up. Um, no, Dr. Squatch, thank you for keeping me clean in this uh month and a half of dirtiness. Yeah, especially with the weather changing. Thank you. Thank you. Um, if you haven't tried out their toothpaste yet, they it's been working fucking great. Great formula. I full on approve of their deodorant soap and toothpaste. Yeah, fresh falls. I would have gone with the pintar, but fresh falls is a pretty decent, pretty decent, uh, pretty decent uh line there. Did you not want the grit?

SPEAKER_00 1:17:11

I like the way that the pintar scrubs on my balls, I'm gonna be honest with you.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:16

Just fucking tears right in there. I can really take off the layers with it. It's nice. Yeah. Um, another one we have to is uh mission 22. What oh, yeah, they're deodorant too? Nice bridge wood. Why the fuck is it in all these weird ass places, dude? Don't once you get a big man, things just go places. Things go places. I mean, I wouldn't know. I don't have any what my former boss called us shitlens. Um you know, 22 veterans a day commit suicide. Unfortunately, we have spoken on mental health plenty of times on this podcast. Get some help. Look at mission 22's mission statement. All their uh charities that they work with is great. I actually uh like working with them on my Twitch channel. But if you want to go and look over at their mission project, pretty cool stuff that they have over there. Um Patreon supporters. Thank you for your fucking money in this time off. Sorry about it. We apologize. Uh lack of content. Very, very much apologize for the lack of content. Um, thank Pandora. Thank Pandora for that. And you can't fucking you can't fucking cancel us for saying that because we're only speaking the truth. And nowhere in your email stated that I could not disclose on what happened. So fuck you. I read through the email 15 times. You kissed my ass.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:51

As I was trying to decipher what the fucking problem was.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:56

Oh, but we don't know. We don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:58

What? Um really fucking crazy. I'm actually looking through the email now. We actually do have a couple. Oh, okay. I was like, what the fuck is this? We have like four Patreon supporters now. What the fuck just fellowship?

SPEAKER_00 1:19:14

I think you should leave the house. There's a ghost. What just fell? Like something in your corner. It's on the other side of your corner by your closet just fell.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:24

Like the wrecks area. It's my it's one of the pictures. Dude, the fucking sticky tape that I've put on those fucking things that come with it do not fucking work, and it is pissing me off. But regardless, there's a ghost in the house. Um, final thoughts, John.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:40

Oh man, humans are dangerous people. Humans can fuck people's lives up. You can also make them better. Just be a good person. Don't be an asshole. If you fucked up in your previous life, in your past, I'm gonna say previous life as in your pres or your past. I'll say it that way. Be better in your present. Don't let it define you. If you're an asshole, then be a better person now. Plain and simple. More good people need to be here.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:15

Zach.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:17

You know, mine boils down to resources, resources, resources. There are so many avenues that you can take to get help. Uh there's a lot of options out there, and you gotta weigh them all, you know? Weigh what you actually want to come of the situation. Um if you're in a shitty one, seek help in some way, shape, or form. I mean, how much worse do you want to let it get, you know? Because if you just let it roll, it will get worse.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:51

It's not gonna get better, that's for sure. I think a lot of people wait for that. They think, oh, it's it'll be better. He'll change, she'll change, so on and so forth. No, not really. I agree.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:05

Kevin.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:06

I think I just said it at the end there.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:09

I just piggyback office.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:11

I I talk a lot, so you know, and you like the sound of your own voice, though. I do. It really gets me rock hard, dude. I'm not gonna lie. I go back and I watch our podcast and I'm just like vigorously.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:25

Fucking when does Kevin talk? Let me fucking scrub over.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:29

Look at that beautiful bastard. Um, but yeah, just find help and you talk to somebody, just anybody. Seeing it, even if it's a fucking person on the subway. You know, there's a lot of people out there that have no problem having a conversation. I know we live in a weird time where approaching somebody or talking to somebody weird is new, but I kind of I'm kind of old school in that sense. And um I I like shaking hands with people, I like meeting new people. That's how I meet a lot of friends, it's how I you know I put myself out there to vulnerably to to meet people, and sometimes it doesn't work, but a lot, sometimes it does. So yeah, just uh seek help um and do what's best for you. Just gonna there's no growth in the comfort zone, and there's no comfort in the growth zone. I'm gonna end it off on that.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:19

Such beautiful words from a beautiful man.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:22

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:24

If you haven't told Kevin already, you need to email us um over at the magdump podcast at gmail.com and tell Kevin that he's beautiful because not enough people fucking tell him a day. I always ask him every day that I fucking every day that I see him in the Discord. I'm like, has anyone told you you're beautiful today? And he says no. And you know, Kevin's getting a little fucking a little sad.

SPEAKER_05 1:22:50

Sad panda. Sad panda. Sad panda.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:56

Uh fuck. Um very rough topic. I didn't even know the shit that was going on with John. Tells you how much away we've been um for the last month and a half. Uh regarding the Amaranth situation, obviously, like Kevin said and Zach said, it will all become public information at some point. So whether it's true or false, you'll fucking you'll hear about it.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:27

Um you may have to look hard for it, but you'll find it. No, it's maybe a little too high profile.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:32

Yeah, right now it'll be a little fucking a little easy to find with uh public record. Ultimately, abuse is wrong. Doesn't matter what it stems from, whether it be from your relationships with the spouse, partner, family abuse, uh abuse from you know your friends, shit like that. It's not okay. Um, you know, that definitely falls into the mental health aspect of things, as we have all rigorously just fucking gone over with this podcast of just mental health, how the fuck to seek help, how to go out there, talk about it. Don't be afraid to talk about it at the end of the day. I bottled my shit up for way too fucking long, and it put me in a very bad place. So I hope at some point, if you are going through the same shit that all four of us are touching base on with this topic, I hope that at some point you can open up and talk about what you're going through. But like Zach said, resources, resources, resources. Go out there, find your resources, seek some help, and hopefully you can find a light at the end of the tunnel. Um, we are on all major platforms. Fuck you, Pandora, as it shows up on my screen. Um you can get the RSS feed over at the Magdump Podcast dot buzzsprout.com. That'll give you all the major directories um that are on there. Uh we do have a Twitter up and coming. Um verified as well, or I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:09

I'll throw the bucks in.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:11

Do we do we throw the or not? It's not Bezos, it's uh Musk money. Yeah, musk some musk money to get verified on Twitter. Um SpaceX, I'll take that. Twitter is up and coming. Also, with these recordings, a TikTok will be made here soon. Kind of like you see with the the Rogan podcast, and all you know, the two bear. My favorite is two bears one cave, as Kevin fucking listens to that podcast as well. Um religiously. For those of you who don't know and don't follow that podcast, you should. There is a clip on Twitter and I believe TikTok that I saw the other day of what Bert got for his birthday.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:55

I haven't seen it yet. I haven't actually seen it yet.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:57

He got two gifts, and it is fucking just Tom really I know they scaled it back a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:04

I know they scaled it back. I haven't got to it yet.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:08

Tom really we're just gonna leave it there. I'm surprised of what happened to us compared to that. But obviously, we're a smaller platform, so they get away with a lot more shit, I guess. But very funny, very great. Uh, TikTok will be up and coming with all like clips and snippets from the podcasts themselves. But other than that, we apologize deeply for the lack of uh content as of late. We all have you get what you get. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:44

Thanks for your Patreon money.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:46

Thanks for your Patreon money fuckers. Uh we will try to be bonus tracks. We'll be coming back. Um bonus. Bonus tracks. Yeah, 10 10 partner. Where we dive into Zach's Platonic White family. Uh but no. Bonus tracks will be coming back as well as episodes will be now released still on Monday, and we'll figure out uh when the bonus tracks will be uh popped out. But other than that, we are the Magdum podcast. We have the beautiful as ever below me, Kevin McLaughlin. And we have uh I have to fucking work in the morning, but I still have a gracious fucking beard sack. And we have poor, poor, beautiful, sexy, wanna licking ass. No. So was it shaving ass? Uh uh red wings. You had to put that thought back in so you gotta wash it. Yeah, um, do you like wash the red flakes out of your mouth? Okay, yeah. Anyways, um, we're the mag dump, and fucking we'll see you next week. Thank you, John for Call of Duty! Yeah, Call of Duty. Woohoo!