The Archives: Surviving the Chaos

 Living with roommates can either be one of the best experiences of your life—or an absolute nightmare. In this episode, we dive into the wild world of terrible roommates, sharing unbelievable stories of dirty dishes left for weeks, stolen food, loud late-night antics, unpaid bills, zero respect for boundaries, and the awkward confrontations that come with it all. We also talk about what makes a good roommate, how to address issues before they spiral, and when it's time to pack your bags and move on. Whether you've lived with a roommate from hell or you're currently surviving one, this episode will have you laughing, cringing, and probably saying, "Yep... I've been there." 

Note: Patreon support talked about in episode is no longer active. As explained all these episodes were recorded previously and have old information about the show.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:05

Thanks. Welcome back, everyone, to the Magdump Podcast, where we have a bonus. A bonus track for you. Bonus track. Bonus track. I'm your host, Richard Martin. We have uh the beautiful Kevin McLaughlin, and we have our uh special guest and golf oakley bearded man down here, Zach McLean. He's not that good.

SPEAKER_03 0:34

I am pretty and you know it.

SPEAKER_02 0:38

Zach is too poor to have a webcam, which is why we need your support on the Patreon. Shameless plug, shameless plug. Yeah. For those of you listening, we do have a Patreon. All these bonus episodes will be posted to the Patreon first and foremost, and then after a month, we will post it to the free-to-play uh users because we know that you don't love us that much. Yeah. Sucks.

SPEAKER_01 1:14

No, you do. It it's rich, I understand.

SPEAKER_03 1:20

I mean, we get it.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

Yeah. We get it. I've been staring at him for 10 minutes and I'm already sick of it.

SPEAKER_04 1:29

Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:30

I I thought he just wanted our company long before this whole thing got rolling. You know? I mean, he's got his little uh gaming mouse there with the uh light up pad, you know, improve his accuracy by about 10% just with the lights. Is that what it does?

SPEAKER_01 1:47

Is that why you stopped playing hard off? Or the lights went on your uh gaming pad went out. Is that why you don't play Tarkov anymore? No.

SPEAKER_02 1:55

Tarkov just fucking sucks.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

You lost your edge. There it is. Lost his fucking edge. Is that what happened? No, I beat the game. Oh.

SPEAKER_02 2:05

I got my flannel. I did everything that I wanted to do. I shit on kids, and now I'm having much more fun playing squad.

SPEAKER_01 2:13

Now you put the flannel on your bed. Is that what you ended up doing? Yeah. Okay. Alright, cool. Right on, man. I live vicariously through my betting. It is nice. I'm not gonna lie. Every time I see your bed, I get jealous.

SPEAKER_02 2:25

This is the new this is the new. Remember the ass shit that I got? This is new.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

This is different. I want it so bad. So the wife and I stayed at a uh Springfield Suites up in Michigan. It's by Hilton. And they have their or by Marriott. Sorry, by Marriott. I slept, I can't sleep in our bed. It just it kills me. But this bed, I slept solid. It's eight hours every single night. I come to find out that Marriott has their own line of beds. You can buy their beds, you can buy, I mean, all the way up to California King, you can buy their bedding, you can buy everything. Now it's expensive, but man, I'll pay the four or five thousand dollars to be happy. Let my back be happy. I need some happiness in my back.

SPEAKER_02 3:16

Now that we're on the talk of bedding, have you ever seen those sleep eight beds? Sleep eight, no. Maybe so it's it's like a mattress, but they have a little there's something that offsets on the floor, but it shoots either hot or cold water, depending on your choice, and it will cool down the bed for you. It's memory foam, they cost like five grand. See, I don't know that I would like that. I don't know if I'd like it either, but it looks pimp.

SPEAKER_03 3:47

I mean, I really like the cooling gel pillows, but I don't know that I'd want water flowing underneath me.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

I don't know, dude. Like a babbling brook, that would be amazing. How well would you sleep if you had a babbling just flowing through your bed? That'd be so nice. That brings me up. We went to a sleep number or something like that, the wife and I. Grandma has one of us. And yeah, and we were going through their beds. So we're in Jacksonville, Florida. And if anybody doesn't know, Tim Tebow, the Florida guy, huge, huge dude in Jacksonville. Like they try to bring up Tim Pedo all the time when they're anybody will bring up Tim Tebow for whatever fucking reason they decide to. But we're we're in the sleep number, and we come across this bed, and it was a split king sleep number that also has uh Bowser Jr. with a bib.

SPEAKER_00 4:38

Oh hold on.

SPEAKER_01 4:40

Oh little space snoopy action.

SPEAKER_03 4:45

You can't see it, but I got baby Yoda here. Twerk. And he's loving the show. Twerk.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

It was a sleep king or a split king. Oh, yeah, there it is. Yeah. Bounce that shell, baby. And uh it had a fan inside of it, and they could show off the fan for cooling. For they had a sheet over top of it, and the sheet was like lifted, like uh, you know those uh things when we were kids, those big old parachutes that we would put up and down and climb under it and touch each other underneath all the fucking stuff, weird like I don't know, it was odd. Yeah, it's like that. And I was like, oh, I could use something like that in my life.

SPEAKER_02 5:24

With Kevin mentioning that, it shows our age. Yeah. Yeah, do they even do that anymore?

SPEAKER_01 5:30

I don't think so. On iPads and shit now, bro. Oh yeah, dude. There's no way. Did you guys ever like put the balls in the middle and then like flap it up? Flap it up and down and see how many balls you could get. Yep. It sounds perverted now that I say it the way I do. But yeah, whatever. It was like a uh parachute, I think, though, wasn't it? Yeah, it was a parachute, like uh had a multicolored yeah, I don't know. It was like vented in the center, you know. 38-year-olds all around the same thing and play like this. Get under that thing and start pulling each other under that thing. Yeah, grab him by his ankles. Yeah, that's exactly what it was. Objection hearsay. Objection. Overruled. Yeah, I don't know. It was weird though.

SPEAKER_02 6:32

For those of you wondering why we're using lawyer terms, because we were on for two hours last night on the Johnny Depp, Casey Anthony, and we're just on a whole court case type shit.

SPEAKER_01 6:45

And also the schematics of a possible tier for our podcast that involves me on a very personal level.

SPEAKER_02 6:56

Yes, for a thousand dollars. You can no you too not yet. You too can get personal with Kevin.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

You could well, you could we'll see. We'll see how it works. I got my lawyer Zach, he's thinking about it. He's he's he's working over the numbers for me right now.

SPEAKER_03 7:13

Uh not a lawyer, just legal counseling.

SPEAKER_01 7:16

I mean, he was going through the paperwork, dude. He's like in in section A, subsection C. He was really going down it for me. I was impressed. He sure was good.

SPEAKER_00 7:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:25

We'll see. We'll see.

SPEAKER_02 7:26

What's that behind you today, Kev?

SPEAKER_01 7:31

What? You know, on your whiteboard there. Oh, this beautiful whiteboard here? Yeah. Oh, this says fuck roommates.

SPEAKER_02 7:39

Oh.

unknown 7:39

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:40

I wonder why. Because that was our special guest, Zach, over here, is what he wanted to uh, you know, bullshit about.

SPEAKER_03 7:50

Yeah. You know, I I've had a lot of shitty roommates in my time, you know, um serving as a veteran like uh chaos here myself. Boo. Uh you know, you get stick with people that you know you don't have any say on who it is, and that normally gets you up to some debauchery.

SPEAKER_01 8:11

Oh, debauchery, that's a good word. Oh, let me look that up in the dictionary real quick.

SPEAKER_02 8:18

I'm gonna have to fucking Google this shit. Stand by where's my phone?

SPEAKER_01 8:22

Debotch or is there a T in there? What is that? Yeah, I don't think so.

SPEAKER_03 8:29

Who wants to kick it off? Yeah, yeah. Start it off, Zach. Well, I guess since it's my topic, um you know, I've had roommates that are just terrible, you know, and especially with the military, you know, cleaning standards are super high. And some people are absolutely gross. I mean, I'm sure everyone's had an absolutely gross roommate at some point in their life. So, you know, um the biggest problem that I had with one though was probably the alcoholic roommate I had for a while. Um, this guy would come back and he would kill an entire fifth of the cheapest plastic bottled vodka you could buy from the store. He had a handle on that bad boy? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It was like pop up or something like that. That brings me back. Uh but I mean this dude would just get absolutely hammered every night. And uh it was just gross with it too. I mean, he'd come back, he'd steal my shampoo in the shower, you know, like I'd find it like half sprayed out on the floor because he had just been kicking it around the shower floor. But you know, I mean, this guy just had zero chill. And um I had gone on vacation, right? Um it was probably about 10-15 days, and when I had gotten back, um it was probably like two, three in the morning. I took a red-eye flight into Los Angeles and then had to drive another hour actually into town to get back home. And my lights were on, and this was a weeknight, so it was kind of weird. You know, we all were supposed to work the next day. So I was like, oh, what the hell's going on in my room? And put the key in the door, wander in, and on my floor is some random guy from from our platoon, passed out face down with uh beer cans stacked around him, like it was uh crime scene outline. And I was like, Oh my god, how are you guys getting this hammered on a freaking week night? So I mean, we're talking tile floors too. Like this dude just picked the coolest place he could to lay down and just racked out.

SPEAKER_01 11:07

So he was still thinking. He's like, I'm gonna he's feeling around trying to figure out that cool spot in the floor somewhere. Concrete tile floors, right? Oh yeah, everything?

SPEAKER_03 11:17

Yeah, absolutely. And it's just racked out, and then they just stacked beers around him all night. I mean, we're talking probably 50, 60 beers outlining him. Oh, I can only imagine the smell of those beers. And then just as you walk in.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

The worst.

SPEAKER_03 11:34

But I just I flipped out the lights, I climbed in the bed because I just did not have the energy to deal with it that night.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

Put the covers over your head. I I don't, I'm not dealing with this. Ugh. I don't want it. Nice. Sounds awful.

SPEAKER_03 11:50

Yeah, uh, that was probably a regular event, not even just the height of his worst times, but just a regular event that I had to deal with with him.

SPEAKER_01 12:03

You know what though? In the long run, I think you got all the bad stuff out of the way because you didn't have a roommate for most of your time.

SPEAKER_03 12:10

Oh yeah. Uh there was all the bad shit out of the way.

unknown 12:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:19

Funny how that works, huh? Yeah, I did my I did my dues early on. I do that. Due diligence.

SPEAKER_01 12:25

Yeah, hell yeah. Alright, Richie. Let's talk, let's let's hear it. Let's talk about something.

SPEAKER_02 12:33

We're talking about this shit last night when we're creating this topic, and I'm like, I don't I've never really lived with anybody. Kevin brings up my current roommate, Bruce, and I'm like, but he's not a shitty roommate. Like, I like Bruce.

SPEAKER_01 12:50

Bruce is actually pretty cool. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:51

Bruce is a Bruce is hands down one of the most fucking awesome, you know, complete opposite of what we're talking about. Um, no, but bad roommates. I mean, I got a few that I could talk about. Um, one in particular used to I have a matching tattoo with this guy. It's under my left uh bicep. Obviously, I'm wearing a hoodie for the people not watching the video portion of the podcast. But this guy, we knew each other. Fuck. I want to say it was it was good close to a fucking over a decade. Kind of like uh how you and Zach know one another and called ourselves called ourselves brothers, you know, we got matching tattoos, um, actually kanji for brotherhood. And it's kind of funny. Mine has no writing on it. Just has a flower behind it. His, on the other hand, says brothers till the end. And after I tell you this story, it's gonna be uh quite funny why he still has that tattoo. If he has it covered up, which I hope he fucking does, but fuck him. No, so uh flew this guy out from Kansas, um, childhood friend, got him a job, let him, you know, stay with me and everything like that. And you know, everything was going great up until there was one faithful day I had $2,500. I was very excited. I was gonna go to the Toyota dealership. At that point in time, can't remember the year, is when the TCs were real big. The new uh Scion TCs that came out. It was the second generation of the TC, the redesign. And I was just like, you know what? I'm gonna go get the Angel Red. That's when I'm gonna go get. And ended up not going to the dealership that night. Wake up in the morning. Now I'm a very persistent OCD person. My keys, phone, wallet, they're all in a special place. Now that special place, only I know where I put my shit because it's all within conjunction. Because if I'm fucking drinking the night before or I'm too fucking tired, at least it's grab and go. Go and grab all my shit. I'm getting down to my work vehicle, and I'm like, where the fuck is my wallet? It should have been with my keys, my phone, everything. And I go back up into the house, I look in my bathroom, and my wallet is missing. But my target red card, my ID, and my capital one are all out on my bathroom sink. And I'm like, Okay. Why did I drink last night? I'm like, I had one drink. I'm like, there's no fucking way. I took those three cards out and was like, that's worth it. That's that's your new home, right? And did not find out what happened to my wallet. This was prior to him um kind of leaving, up until he was dating a mutual friend of ours, and they broke up due to some shit, and she had a box full of his stuff. And she was like, Hey, can you get this back to him? I was like, Yeah, for sure. She ran um what is those oil businesses called? The essential is it essential oils? Yeah, yeah. So she sold the essential oils, and she was like, Hey, that's one of my boxes. Um, can you actually go through it? I think I left an invoice in the bottom of it. I'm like, I don't know what the fucking top or bottom of this fucking box is, like, but yeah, sure, whatever. I start going through the box and then come to the realization of Oakley sunglasses, video games that have gone missing over the years, and you know, just all sorts of shit that was mine, and then on the bottom of the fucking box. Tell me he didn't keep the fucking wallet. He did not keep the wallet. Oh, it's in the box. It was my wallet, and get this. The only reason I knew it was mine is because I hide things into like I used to have bifold wallets, now I just have one of the ridge wallets. Um condoms.

SPEAKER_03 17:32

Not they were the extra small ones. That's how you pay extra small. I knew those were mine.

SPEAKER_04 17:40

That's mine.

SPEAKER_02 17:44

No, but I hid a coin that my grandpa had given me um years ago, because uh my grandpa was an he was an NCO over at the NTC for the army, and he got this coin from a unit, hid it in my wallet, and then there was a fucking card from uh K1 Racing, if anyone knows the uh go-kart racing, had my name on it, and my coin was in this said wallet.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

Okay, and it was you the go-kart racing card. That's bullshit, right? Yeah, that's bullshit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:16

So the funny thing was, is it was a Fox wallet, um, Fox Racing, but it was a very, it wasn't black in color, it was uh one of the tri-colors, they had a bunch of different bullshit um colors on it, but it was unique. No one really had it. I never seen anyone else have it. I'm like, so I'm finding my Oakley sunglasses, all this shit. And of course, the money's not there, right? Because the I I should have started off in the story. My $2,500 was gone, and that was a damn payment for my car. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 18:49

Surprise, shocker. It's not there, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:52

It's not there. Yeah, no. Later on, I confront him about it, and he still hasn't admitted till this day that he took anything. I just pretty much left him with, I hope the money helped you. You're a piece of shit. And uh yeah, it was just later down the road we got into a bar fight um out in public, and luckily I knew the bar owners, and they're like, Richard, fucking go home before we call the cops, and I was like, Thumbs up.

SPEAKER_01 19:27

Did the money help him out? How is he doing?

SPEAKER_02 19:34

Last that I known, he's in Vegas, and uh um he's using that money that you gave him. Yeah, um, I don't want to make any speculations. I heard that he was doing really bad, um, down on his luck. Uh he lost his mom around the same time that I lost my grandpa, but yeah, living in Vegas.

SPEAKER_01 19:59

Don't know like mom, he lost $2,500 on a roll of the dice. He lost a lot going on there.

SPEAKER_02 20:08

Yeah, that was the thing. I reached out to him. That was the last time that I reached out to him because I actually knew his mom. Um, we kind of like we grew up together, went to high school, and all that shit, and I was like, hey, I know we're not on speaking terms, but uh, you know, your mom, you know, she never did me wrong, right? And like she just made a piece of shit son. Sorry for your loss, but fuck you. Sorry for your loss, but as far as your moral character goes, fuck you. I think that's fair.

SPEAKER_01 20:42

Yeah, I th I think that's completely fair. Yeah, nothing I hate worse than a thief. The fact is, though, at least you got that go-kart card back, dude. Yeah, that's important. Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_02 20:54

Yeah, well, dude, $20 a fucking race, like points built up on that bitch.

SPEAKER_01 21:00

You know, you practically made your $2,500 back.

SPEAKER_02 21:03

Yeah, you know? I did have six free races on there, so time to go back to Barstale, brother. It's time to go. They got a K1 out here in Colorado, so I'm good.

SPEAKER_01 21:17

I did one in Indiana, man. Those tracks are great.

SPEAKER_02 21:27

Just a much better facility than K1. I race Formula One, so it's no big deal.

SPEAKER_01 21:32

You know, I've been racing Formula One for like 27 years. 75 years. It's 85 years, uh, no big deal.

SPEAKER_02 21:39

Tom Sagura, everyone, if you don't know.

SPEAKER_01 21:41

Couldn't even get my fat ass in that car. There's no way that's happening. All right, I guess uh so I got three stories. I've had a lot of roommates over the time. Um most of these, all of these came within a time of my divorce back in like 2000 and 10 ish, I want to say. So that sounds about right, right? Yeah. So I was trying to pick myself back up, and you know, uh I lived in Grand Rapids, Michigan at the time. Rents expensive for a single guy working, you know, nipples, those are nice. Thank you. Um and so, you know, I was living in like people's homes that were renting out a single room at the time. Well, the first one that I started renting in was this couple that like furnished out their basement for themselves and rented three bedrooms in the upstairs, and we all shared the the three renters upstairs shared a bathroom and the kitchen and whatnot. And it was cool. I didn't think there was anything wrong with them. I thought maybe they're kind of weird people, but I mean like whatever. And they had uh two big dogs, they had two Saint Bernards. Um one was a smaller female, and the other one was like 220-pound male, and they were young dogs. I love dogs, no big deal. But this the male dog used to break my door open all the time and like root around in my bed all the time, and that's fine. I used to let him in my room, but he would like bust a lock. He's he's a heavy ass dog, and like one time he took a shit in my bed. Oh he amber herded your bed, dude. He he amber he amber turded the shit. Yeah, no, sustained. Um, it was bad, and I mean it's a 225-pound shit of this dog, and you know, like speculation first. The first time was okay. I'm like, well, well, whatever. I threw my sheets out. The second time, I'm like, hey, you guys are gonna have to pay for some sheets. Like, it's a I let this slide one time. I mean, don't get me wrong, these are single man cotton jersey sheets from fucking Target, but I'm like, uh, I'm gonna need some money off my rent. I'm gonna need something for this because I lock my door when I need. Yeah. Uh they never they really just kind of brush it off the whole time. I'm like, fuck it. I just I'm gonna get I'm gonna figure my way out of here. Well, within two weeks of me moving in, all of a sudden I hear the woman screaming from the backyard, absolutely screaming. The guy runs into the house, he fucking comes up and knocks on my door. I'm sleeping because I worked an odd shift, and he's like crying. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? He comes up, he's like, I need your help. And I'm like, okay. I go out to this outside, and their dog, fucking the big one, just died out in the backyard. Like the woman watched him have a fucking heart attack. That's like watching a grown ass man just dead, fucking killed over, just killed over. And they're like, uh, we want to take him to the vet to find out what happened. I'm like, are you sure he's dead? So I go over. I'm like, oh yeah, that dog's dead. I was like, yeah, he's for sure dead. He's like, Can you can you please help me like take my dog into my car? And I'm like, Okay, can you get us something? So he got sheets. Funny that he got a sheet, you know. I I can't get sheets, but fucking the dog, the dead dog gets a fucking sheet, the one that just shits on my fucking bed. So that's that's cool. But and he's like, I can't touch my dog right now. Can you just do it? And I'm like, You've got to be kidding me.

SPEAKER_03 25:33

You want me to drag this full grown man? Yeah, in a bed sheet.

SPEAKER_01 25:38

Let me just fire man carry this bitch right quick. Well, I wasn't even a firefighter at the time. I just passed Fire Academy at that point in time, so yeah, I was in a little bit of good shape, but I'm like, fuck, dude, that's dead dog weight, just coming out, and so he couldn't even help me. He sat there. Got him all he was drinking again. Yeah, he sat there. This woman is sobbing five feet from me. This guy is kind of console her, and I'm wrapping their fucking 225-pound dog in a sheet, and I hoist him over my shoulder in a sheet, and I drag him into the car. And they still never bought me sheets, and I left very soon after that because I was like, there is this is just gonna get weirder as we get further into this. I don't want to be there anymore. Another roommate was when my wife and I first got my my ex-wife. Let me let me I don't need my ex I don't need my new wife to think that's her following or my wife. Yes, can't have that. Thank you. Sustained. Um overruled. We had roommates in a house, uh, a couple that I've known forever, a good friend of mine, much like your Mi Romanos or whoever that was that you got tattooed on your. We didn't do tattoos because we're not dumb, but that's cool. Um big deal. I didn't get any names. Oh, okay, that's good. Uh, and so they would get belligerently drunk and walk out of their bedroom, and I don't know what they would do all the time, but we would be like, say, at the living room, watch TV, and they would always try and get us to with them constantly. So she would drag him out of the room and he would duckwalk with a rock hard cock by her hand and just drag him through the room, like like she was showing a horse or something. Leading him around by it. Yeah, just leading him around by it, and then just walk into the room, and then just give us one of these looks, just like, hmm, and she just went back. So that was weird, and I left that situation, and then there was one more, and now I just lost it. You're gonna have to come back to me. Zach, do you got another one?

SPEAKER_02 28:02

I'm sure you is this roommates from hell or like sex trials from hell? It's like a little of this, a little of that.

SPEAKER_01 28:11

It's a good mix. For sure. It's a good mix. I know that's probably another roommate story.

SPEAKER_03 28:15

So I'll let me get the topic of sex, I guess. Um, okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:19

Oh, still in this track bonus track, still.

SPEAKER_03 28:22

Still in the same roommate as before, but uh he had a friend who was going through a divorce at the same time as well, and uh this guy was kind of going through a bit of a hoe phase, you know, uh after his you know, divorces getting rolling. And uh he would take my roommate's bed and sleep in it instead while my roommate was off god knows where, or he'd just crash on our floor. And uh he had brought a girl back this one night uh after I had already fallen asleep. And at the time we were in bunk beds, right? So I'm in the top bunk of this bunk bed, and he's on the bottom bunk with a woman. Yeah, this guy. Yeah, right? So I wake up and I'm thinking, holy shit, are am I in the middle of an earthquake? Like my whole bed is shifting back and forth, and I hear some like light moaning. I was like, oh no, this is definitely not an earthquake. And you know, grunting ensues, and I'm like, oh god, yep, for sure, I know what this is, you know, as I'm waking up out of my days. Well, you know, he finishes the deed, you know, and stands up, and we are now like four inches away from each other face to face. And I'm like, he just tossed me a wink and walked on to the bathroom, man. I was like, uh, well, this is fucking weird. I don't I don't even know what to say here. What is there to say?

SPEAKER_02 29:55

Yeah, you know, what what can you say in that situation? Like, we're on the topic. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:02

Found it. I really felt the motion of the ocean up here, man.

SPEAKER_02 30:07

Yeah, no, definitely. It's it's uh no, um, topic of sex. I mean, this is not really like a roommate. I guess he was my neighbor. So um it was when I first moved out to Denver. You had sex with your neighbor?

unknown 30:22

No.

SPEAKER_02 30:22

Oh, okay. Oh man, no, so it's a Saturday morning. Um, Rex R. I pick Rex. We're just sitting, I was watching TV and doing some work on the computer, and then Rex is just fucking staring, zoned out onto the fucking wall, and he's like doing his head tilts and shit. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? Like, is this apartment haunted or something? And I turn off the TV and I'm hearing like a cat like meowing. I'm like, what the fuck is that? And so I'm thinking there's a cat stuck in the fucking wall somewhere, and Rex just he starts growling and he starts doing the fucking headcock and shit again. I'm like, dude, what the fuck? So I put my ear up to the wall so I can hear this cat. Turns out it wasn't a cat, all right? Turns out it was not a cat. It was my neighbor at shit, you not one o'clock in the afternoon, just fucking clapping cheeks, and all you could fucking hear is you could hear the woman moaning. Like if you put your ear up to the fucking wall, like from a distance, it sounded like a fucking cat, but it's just, oh yes, daddy, just fucking getting it. And I'm like, okay, Rex, and then I shit you not. I fucking look down and this dog is fucking red rocketing everywhere, and I'm like, he's doing it, he's loving life. I'm like, why did you growl though? Was that like your grunt of like you're gonna fucking take this and you're gonna like it? Like what?

SPEAKER_03 32:10

I'm the alpha. Come on now.

SPEAKER_02 32:12

Because obviously dogs have better hearing than us, right? Sure. I couldn't hear that without putting my ear up to the wall. I'm wondering if he's getting full-blown fucking porn hub through the wall through his ear receptors.

SPEAKER_01 32:27

That's all he uses the porn top.

SPEAKER_02 32:30

Yeah, not really a roommate story, but like I mean, he he lived right next door, and I was just like, what the fuck? That's we're on the topic of sex.

SPEAKER_01 32:37

Oh god, I have an amazing story to tell you, but it's not. I think we should save it for a different podcast. Because I think it should be weird sex stories. I and this is a good one, and I don't necessarily want to waste it on this. Yeah, that you viewers don't deserve it. Okay, because you do, because it's good, and it's a reason why I won't ever eat Qdoba again. So it's really good. It's really good. Yeah, no, it's it's really good. And we'll say we'll save that. That's that's gotta be saved. I'll I'll lock that one right in the back there.

SPEAKER_02 33:11

Now that you bring that up, I have a similar story. Yes, we can have some.

SPEAKER_01 33:17

We'll have some good ones on that. Oh, I'm excited. But the fact that Rex was chubbing off there in the middle of your room listening, that's pretty awesome.

SPEAKER_02 33:28

Full-on fucking chubbing, and I was just like, okay, bro. And I turned back the TV on and I turned on Family Guy because that's what he liked, and he fucking instantly, once Family Guy came on, motherfucker jumped right up on the couch and was like propped watching TV.

SPEAKER_01 33:43

Obviously, Rex locked a lot of things. He's very voyeur, he's very voyeuristic. Rex was a great dog. He likes to listen. He likes to listen. Yeah. Rex was a great dog. Any way he can get it. Fair enough, boys. Good stories. I love it.

SPEAKER_02 34:03

That's all your roommate stories. I mean, yeah, fuck roommates back there.

SPEAKER_01 34:09

I well, yeah, I mean, I'm trying to think of something else.

SPEAKER_02 34:14

And you guys brought up a particular roommate of mine last night, but yeah, I mean, uh, I'm not gonna get to the ex-wife.

SPEAKER_01 34:22

I I I decided I'm gonna I did. I always gonna get into the ex-wife because I mean in the end she just was a roommate, but it's not, it's not worth it. It's not worth it. I don't wanna, I mean.

SPEAKER_02 34:37

I don't feel like another court case coming down. I nah. I'm gonna be like Johnny Depp over here and fucking trying all fucking defamation of character and shit.

SPEAKER_01 34:48

I don't I don't need that problems in my life. I'm 11, 12 years removed from that. Uh uh she's not doing well. She's she's in Indiana somewhere, not doing well, so that's okay.

SPEAKER_03 35:00

Oh not really roommates, but people in my building. I don't know if you've ever experienced this, right? But what is with people in like apartment buildings, you know, barracks, whatever it may be, defecating or peeing in elevators?

SPEAKER_01 35:17

Yes. I don't have a response to that because I've never had to deal with that.

SPEAKER_02 35:22

So I I I can side with Zach. Okay, you you b you boys both know the shithole that I fucking moved out of. That's true. Yes. Like the flood, the great flood of fucking February last year. And shit, you fucking not. I'm I we're bringing up groceries. It was me and Bruce.

SPEAKER_01 35:44

I remembered one. I'm sorry. I go ahead. I just remember I'm I'm gonna put my no my finger on my nose. I remembered what I was gonna say. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 35:52

But we get into the elevators just like Zach said.

SPEAKER_03 36:01

Like, do you think it's a bedroom stall or what?

SPEAKER_02 36:04

Dude, it wasn't like because I can understand people fucking let their dogs go fucking just everywhere. This was no dog shit. Oh no, it's definitely human. This this was full-on fucking someone had the bubble guts and sprayed all over the fucking elevator. I shit you not. Me and Bruce both took one look as the elevator opens, and we're looking in there and we're like shuts again. Take the stairs. It's only one flight of stairs. We can walk up. It's a good night for exercise.

SPEAKER_01 36:42

Definitely. Oh, could you imagine the guy that had to clean that?

SPEAKER_02 36:46

Oh. Oh, they sent out a community email. They're like, this is unruly. And I'm like, You're right. You let my apartment flood, and you're you haven't done shit, but you're wanting to talk about unruly. You guys don't give a shit about this fucking place. Like, let's be real. People get stabbed in this fucking apartment complex.

SPEAKER_01 37:08

Like, fucking the shit stops here. That's exactly knife hand and everything. This this is where we stop this. We can't have this.

SPEAKER_02 37:18

This is that's where we draw the line, is fucking shitting all over the walls.

SPEAKER_01 37:22

Oh man. Fuck. Alright. So Zach knows this person. He knows two of these people in this story. Uh we're we're gonna talk about Cookie.

SPEAKER_03 37:34

Oh, here we go. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:37

So Cookie was uh, so in Ryan, you you kind of know Ryan, Rich. Um we were in the Fire Academy together, Ryan and I. And we had a roommate, Cookie, and his girlfriend, Fling, whatever. We were living in a two-bedroom apartment, and so it got to the point in the apartment. So we shared everything. We shared plates, we shared silverware, we shared cups, it just worked out that way, and it was fine that way, right? We shared bills, everything was fine. And I'm like, that's fair, that's fair. Okay, that's fair. Ryan has an unlikable quality to him, but he's not a bad guy, okay? He's way he's he's a father now, he's doing great.

SPEAKER_02 38:31

In the multiple times that I've talked to him, he's cool.

SPEAKER_01 38:35

He's a funny guy, but yeah, I can you can really rub people the wrong way. I can see that she fucking hated him. She hated him so much that she made everybody's life in that apartment completely hell after the first two months. It got to the point where they would take their dishes into their bedroom, and and we knew cookie for a long time and we never had any issues. It was just, but I know that she was behind all of this. They would take their dishes, they would take their silverware, they'd take everything, they clean it and stack it into their room and live.

SPEAKER_02 39:08

So not only you're sitting here on a webcam, you know, podcast and shit, you're like, Oh, here's my glass of fucking tea right here. Yeah. And here's my fucking spoon to fucking throw inside of it.

SPEAKER_01 39:22

Like I swear to God. I swear to God. So now we shared all the you know the the electric and everything. It got to the point where the the girl, I won't I'm won't name names. The girl ended up taking the thermostat off the wall and moving it into their bedroom, right? We hadn't we hadn't rebutled at that point in time yet. Now, this is gonna be some activity that I probably shouldn't share, but I'm going to share. So I think I know where this story is going. This is where I am at now. Cookie loved to paint Warhammer figures. That was his thing. He did it like for a side business. He had thousands of these things, and he would keep them in these nice little cases, so on and so forth, right? And one day broke his fucking Legos. Yeah. One day they're out of the house, they've taken the thermostat, they've taken the microwave. It was weird. It was getting it was getting the microwave. Bro, I'm telling you, I'm pretty sure he cut my brake lines at one point in time, but I can't prove it. I can't prove it. Speculation. Speculation. You're saying sustained, sustained. I can't prove it. Okay. So we ended up Jimmy in the door of his room. Okay. I I don't advise this. This isn't nice people, okay? But I was young and stupid, and fuck him at the time. All right. They ended up putting like stuff in front of the door to know if somebody was going into their bedroom. So we looked under the door and we could see it sitting there, and I'm like, wow, what a fucking nerd. I was like, this is terrible. So we went to the closet, and in the closet was a huge pile of dishes. And you know, I lifted them off and then they slipped out of my hand. Uh you know, terrible, right? And then there was cookies, warhammer figures, all of them in a nice pouch. And we ended up playing fucking hopscotch on those things for for some time. For some time. I again, don't, don't be that guy. I was meaningful. You're not that guy, pal. I'm not that guy anymore. I'm not that guy anymore. And but we the thing is, is like the dishes that broke on some of the ones, we like put them back together and just kind of into the closet. We like we like unsprung his container that was holding all of his Warhammer figures, like and stacked it right back there in the problem. And you know, he never said anything. And then when we ended up moving out like two weeks later, but he never said a word. The moral of the story is don't take somebody's thermostat, okay? I was in the fire academy. And it was in the middle of July, and I was sick of wearing a hundred pounds of fucking gear out, and I wanted to come home to my home, and I wanted it to be cool when I got inside. Yeah. That being said, also don't be like me at the time. Don't do that. So I was also kind of the terrible roommate in this situation. Well, it really stems from the battles of roommates, you know. It does. It is a it is a roommate battle, and I feel as if I won this one. So yeah. You know, if you're hearing this cookie, I'm sorry. I am. You heard it here first. But also go fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself and your stupid fucking Legos. In that moment, go fuck yourself. But also at this moment, I'm I hope you're doing well. I hope you're doing well, and I hope I hope the kids are good. I know he had kids or something at this point in time, and I hope he's doing well.

SPEAKER_02 43:18

Fuck you and your megablocks.

SPEAKER_01 43:23

Thousands of dollars, dude. I oh no, trust me.

SPEAKER_02 43:26

That I I was that for any lay avid Lego or you know, collection person, we know. Yeah, it they cost money.

SPEAKER_01 43:35

Nobody collects Legos in this group. Uh oh. Uh only the Star Wars ones. I think I got a Boba Fett slave one sitting down here somewhere. Hold on, let me see. Yeah, and it's still in the box.

SPEAKER_02 43:47

It's the same with me for uh Funko Pops, so I only collect the Star Wars ones. So as you can see for the people watching the uh video portion, I got Wrecker and BB eight down here. But yeah, you know? I have my grandma to blame for that because she collects beanie babies.

SPEAKER_03 44:08

So oh man, I still have a bunch of BB babies sitting around like tags on and everything. Yeah, what are you waiting for? I don't know, man.

SPEAKER_02 44:16

Dude, some of those beanie babies I've looked at that my grandma owns. Pretty fucking pricey.

SPEAKER_01 44:24

We were kids, dude. I don't believe it. Start selling them and then I'll start believing it. Until then, yeah, y'all got fucked on Beanie Babies. That's how I feel about it.

SPEAKER_02 44:32

Well, I didn't buy Beanie Babies, so I'm not fucked. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I bought Pokemon cards. Yeah? How are those doing for you? I sold a couple. Like a couple hundred bucks, but you know, nothing like what what did that uh was it uh Charizard first edition or some shit? Go for like a fucking mill? Some shit like that.

SPEAKER_01 44:54

Pokemon cards. I I don't know. I never got into Pokemon. I was a fucking nerd growing up. I mean, I should have. It was still a fucking rally of something I should have been a part of. I just never a fucking nerd. Dude, I was playing with pogs still. And if you're younger than 25, you have no idea what I do with that. Okay. And don't like you do.

SPEAKER_03 45:14

I was off killing my third Tamodachi. Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_01 45:18

Speaking of Tamagotchi, I had one that I had found at a haunted house, believe it or not, when I was like 10 years old. I lost it for 10 years, found it again in my 20s, and he was still alive. Oh my gosh. I the battery was still working. Like I don't even know how that's possible. Yeah. And then I and then I lost him again. I don't know. Maybe it was fake. I wasn't made to, I I wasn't, I'm not responsible enough to take care of a Tamagotchi, let alone myself. So there's that. That is what it is.

SPEAKER_00 45:58

It is what it is. Zach. Huh?

SPEAKER_02 46:01

For those listeners out there, because Zach will be making more appearances for all those listening.

SPEAKER_03 46:08

Guest entrances, that's my duty.

SPEAKER_02 46:10

Guest entrances. He will be on some of the main episodes. Um, as Kevin puts it, this is a bonus track. Bonus track. Zach, introduce yourself to the people. We did we did this in the first episode we gave our introductions, but let the people know the man behind the blank fucking screen that we have below. Oakley's the man behind the Oakley hat.

SPEAKER_03 46:35

Yeah, so um I mean I'm from Iowa. Uh grew up here most of my life, was born in Illinois. Um grew up in an grew up in a uh agricultural kind of family. Uh my dad was in ag research for most of my life. Um so we worked in the cornfields, you know, doing all that BS. Um there is there is actually a lot of corn in Iowa, if you didn't know. No. Would have never guessed. But uh after high school ended up leaving for the Marine Corps, um, served five years there as a military policeman. Um which was a absolute mess of my life, but you know, uh I wouldn't go back and not do it. So um it was a good experience. But after that I dabbled in all kinds of things.

SPEAKER_02 47:32

Um I was a private investigator for a while, freaking um He was also on the Casey Anthony case, in case uh any of you were wondering.

SPEAKER_01 47:42

He's actually the reason why she got off. It's incredible. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 47:47

Objection speculation.

SPEAKER_03 47:49

But uh my family also does a commercial fireworks, which is a big part of our life as well. So like we go out and we put on like professional shows similar to what you would see at like Disney, but much smaller scale.

SPEAKER_01 48:03

Don't ever, ever reference yourself to Disney ever again, first of all. Okay. He's like, you are small time, okay? Yeah, okay. But yeah, the firework shows are cool.

SPEAKER_02 48:16

And for those of you who don't know, myself and uh Kevin, we mentioned this in the actual main episodes of the podcast. Uh Zach was also a part, yeah. Well, put that in quotations. The uh yeah. Anyways, train of thought. Was he a part of? Um no, that was uh this is where I met Kevin was uh I met Zach first and then met Kevin. So Squad uh brought us all here and banded us all together. For pipes for pipe, yeah for James.

SPEAKER_03 48:54

It's with a lot of my friends. I like to bring a lot of my friends together, people I know and get along.

SPEAKER_02 48:59

Well, see, that was the thing, is you know, just sitting here bullshitting because me and Kevin touched on this in episode one. Um just video games has been very a crazy part of my life, which I'm pretty sure it's been a crazy part of yours. Both your lives as well.

SPEAKER_01 49:18

It's just define Zach and I's relationship. Well, yeah, right.

SPEAKER_03 49:22

Kevin and I met freaking 15 plus years ago playing on Xbox Live, and the first time I actually met him in person was in his wedding. Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_02 49:32

For you people who say video games are a waste of time, go fuck yourself.

SPEAKER_01 49:37

They are. I don't like this fucking guy sitting next to me right here. Okay, that's it.

SPEAKER_02 49:43

I'm the other way from you, but I know different setups. Yeah, fuck you.

SPEAKER_01 49:47

Oh, yeah. I don't know. One way or the other.

SPEAKER_02 49:52

Fuck those guys.

SPEAKER_01 49:54

Uh yeah. Sweet. Cool. I liked it. That was good. Are you sure about that? Fuck room. Roommates. Fuck them all. Unbelievable. They're terrible. Don't ever do it. Figure it out, be on your own. Work three jobs, don't ever get roommates. They never turn out in the end. They never turn out in the end, ever.

SPEAKER_02 50:17

Never.

SPEAKER_01 50:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:18

So get a good one, like I have.

SPEAKER_01 50:20

Go, Bruce. There you go. Go, Bruce. Go, my wife. Go's goose ex-parents.

SPEAKER_02 50:29

Go's ex-parents.

SPEAKER_03 50:32

Now I will. Yeah, no. My platonic white family. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:39

I will thank everyone who has subscribed to the Patreon because that's where you will hear this episode. Actually, no. This episode will be released in conjunction with episode one. This will be released three days after episode one, which you are probably listening now. It's already episode one has already come out. For in the future, if you want these bonus episodes, go over to Patreon slash Mag the Mag Dump Podcast. If you are here in the Discord, you can find that link in the podcast section of the Discord, or you can go over to our Buzz Sprout feed. Patreon link will also be there. But other than that, it's been a pleasure talking with you all. Kevin?

SPEAKER_01 51:25

So long, folks. Thank you. Dak?

SPEAKER_03 51:28

Great being here. I appreciate the time.